Clown

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SERVICE

Generic clown.png
Clown

Superiors: Head of Personnel, The Honkmother
Difficulty: HONK (Easy-Hard)
Guides: Standard Operating Procedure
Access: Clown Office
Duties: Honk. Play pranks. Entertain the crew. Become the Security's exclusive punching bag. Pester the roboticist for a HONK mech.

Service Department
ServiceHeader.png

Departmental Head
Head of Personnel

Service Roles
Service Guides
Service Areas
KitchenBarBotany
BarbershopCustodial Closet
ChapelLibrary
Clown and Mime Office


The Clown is the funny person aboard the NSS Cyberiad!They usually tell funny jokes or unique puns to entertain the crew, either in person or over the radio. Another classic Clown tradition is pranking crewmembers, but if your prank is more annoying than funny, this is often paid in kind with repeated, non-consensual hits to the head with a stunbaton.

As a Clown, your behavior revolves around the HONK, a philosophy of life that all clowns in the galaxy endeavor to spread. Try to make the Honk Mother proud of you by making the crew laugh until the end of the shift. Being genuinely funny can be tricky. Try to come up with a way to actually entertain the crew and they will appreciate you for the effort.

Your responsibility is to have fun with people and make them enjoy their shift. You should be serious during troubles, but keep in mind that you can also try to be funny while being a benefit to the station. Slipping nuclear agents during their assault can turn the tide of the battle by leaving them at the mercy of the crew for a few seconds. Even if you die in the process, your efforts will inspire future generations. Crewmembers will remember you and mourn the loss of a honking good clown.

License to HONK (Required Knowledge)

Being a Clown doesn't give you the right to be a dick when pranking other people. Ruining someone's day as a non-antag violates Rule # 7 OOCly, so there's a chance you might get jobbanned from being a Clown in future, or outright banned entirely.

When in doubt, ask yourself: "Are you irrevocably fucking with someone's round (killing, incapacitating, etc.)?"

If yes: don't do it. You'll probably get robusted, arrested and very likely banned.

If no: you're probably fine, but if you have an elaborate scheme in mind that might need additional approval - talk to the admins.

Being a good Clown

Being a good clown is hard. Actually telling good jokes and being genuinenly funny is something people have trouble with in real life. It's going to be even harder in a computer game, but if you try hard, you can do it! The golden rules for clowns are "You can joke about anything, but it has to be funny." Which means, if you're joke is more bad than good, more annoying than funny, more enraging than hilarious, it's not a good joke. It should always be more funny than annoying, not the other way around. Here are some examples of what you should do if you want to be a good clown.

  • Be unique. Stand out from the rest of the pack by having a unique style, a specific subject of jokes or a specific goal for the shift. Also have an good name that people remember.
  • Write your own jokes that are actually funny. It's hard to write jokes in general. Some joke topics on the station could be racial features, department prejudice, Nanotrasen work policy etc. By making jokes related to what people do, it will be easier for them to smile.
  • Deliver the joke in a professional manner. Writing a joke is one part. Now you got to tell it to people. Make sure they have time to listen and aren't busy doing something else.
  • Pranks that are actually funny. Make sure the prank is adapted to the target of the prank. Breaking into someones office and taking a picture isn't a prank. Breaking into someones office and filling it with the owners least favorite food is a prank.
  • Do scavenger hunts, competitions and hold games. Get people to partake in some sort of silly contest. Scavenger hunts means you hide a interesting or unique item somewhere on the station and give out clues from time to time. Competitions and games could be: "Clown toss" "Catch the clown" "Write the best joke" "Theme costume contest" are just a few to get your ideas going.
  • Do a stand up show. So you got some jokes and you got some laughs. Take it to the next level. Prepare a funny script (actually funny). Get someone to build a stage or do it yourself. Announce your amazing stand-up show to make sure people attend. Perform.
  • Improvise! See someone with an interesting name? Make a joke about it. Did something funny happen in front of you? Deliver a well worded zinger to make people laugh. This should be done in measure. If you can't come up with a GOOD line then don't say anything.
  • Keep the bad jokes to yourself. You should be remembered for your good jokes, not be forgotten for your bad ones. If you can't think of a good joke, just be quiet. It's better to deliver one good joke than ten bad ones.
  • Make a funny newsfeed. If you're actually funny and can deliver witty jokes in a writing style, the newscaster might be the place for your funnies. Make sure to announce it so people read it or print it out and hand the newspaper to people.

Clownmask.png Equipment

As a female clown, you join or start your shift wearing a Sexyclown.png sexy clown mask and a Sexyclownsuit.png sexy clown suit.

As a male clown, you join or start your shift wearing the classic Clownmask.png mask and Clownsuit.png suit.

Both genders join or start the shift wearing the Shoesclown.png clown shoes.

Regardless of gender and whether you start in your office or you hop onto the station as a late joiner, you spawn with your trusty Clownpack.png Giggles Von Honkerton; a backpack horrifically designed to match your awful, awful wonderful fashion sense.

By default, Giggles contains:

  • Box civ.png Your standard emergency supply box
  • Banana.png A banana. A good source of potassium, and weapon of mass destruction
  • Stamp-clown.png Your rubber stamp. Use it on paper or people to make your mark
  • Crayonbox-full.png A box of colored crayons.
  • Jollyjug.png Your jolly jug! Holds 100 units of banana juice
  • Gildedhorn.png A gilded bike horn. Works like any other instrument
  • Sunflower.png A water flower
  • Crayon-rainbow.png A rainbow crayon! Smells like candy!

HONK MECH.png Unlimited Power

If the stars align, someone may be fun-loving enough to build to you a H.O.N.K. Mech. This behemoth even makes squeaky sounds when it moves, in addition to the awful clomping noises of other mechs. Make sure to install the 'HoNkER BlAsT 5000' for EXTREME HONKING! Just keep in mind that Security will very likely jump the gun and blast your fun to pieces with an ion rifle or EMP grenade if you abuse your gift too much.


HonkHorn.png Tips HonkHorn.png

  • The clown mask can be used for internals.
  • If your PDA cartridge (sends a virus that makes your target's PDA honk) has less than 5 charges left, make somebody slip on it to restore 1 charge per slip. Have fun with that.
  • The rainbow crayon never ends. If you're a clown and starving you can just nibble on your crayon, infinitely.
  • Required listening for any clown!
  • Don't like the look of your clown shoes, or want to subtly mess with someone else? Put them in a washing machine with a crayon - they'll look like normal shoes, but act like yours.
  • The clown's flower is basically a small spray bottle. It can be emptied and can carry 10 units of fluids and shoots exactly 1 unit at a time at a surprising range (3 tiles). Make of that what you will.
  • If you want to slip people at terminal velocity, Space Lube is your best friend. You can nag a Chemist or Scientist for some, but don't be surprised if you get beaten to death by the entire crew for your actions.

SyndicateBalloon.png Antagging

We all float down here, Georgie.

Given your status amongst the crew as a nuisance to be avoided or ignored entirely, you have one of the best covers for your nefarious deeds. Nobody will care where you are or what you're doing, so long as you keep out of reach of Security, meaning you can fulfill your objectives without needing to worry about responsibilities on the station.

With that in mind, you also have one very special tool in your arsenal: the Banana Grenade, a non-lethal but absolutely chaotic weapon of choice for any clown that wants to make a slick getaway.

The Honk List
Skippers Comdom-in-ChiefMr. All-AccessHead of No-FunLeader of Yellow GlovesNerdo SupremeMr. Sawbones' Wild Ride
Audience VIPs Paper BinGoose Chaser
(Il)Legal Complaint BoxCool Dumb Wig
Fun Police Abuses-His-GlovesRedtider GoonDANGER ZONENeeds a LaughProlongs Torture
Yellow Glove Tribals Glove DispenserSpace Pod To-Go!Insane Axe-wielder
The Barnyard QuackTaxi ManThe Lube SourceGIB HALK PLZ?!Pierrot's ThroatLEAVE ME ALONEFunny Guy
The Gaping Hole in the station NerdTOBE YO GUNDAMU
Hats and Guns The WranglerMinistry of Funny HatsBringers of Bananium
Dysfunctional In-laws EnablerKnifeGunPasses PeelsFree RazorSon of Honk MotherThe Greatest Enemy, or Best FrienemyHonk Mother CommunerGET OUT!
The Gang HobosSalt Shakers from The VeilCheese Cannon FodderStone Cold
Enablers DoorknobNeeds Honk ModuleTalk-Box
The Critics SlipsBest FriendDNA GourmetStill SlipsParty PoppersWiznerdEmosFlying BricksBasement DwellerDislikes Banana JuiceBirdbrainsFree FliptoniumIPC FireworksThe Meat GrinderNuke Inspectors8-Legged YikesAyylmaosStatue Defilers
"Special" Greater ComdomsThe Untalented TroupeBrethren GoofsCosplayers