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About time I posted a drawing of the Cyberiad's favourite officier de sécurité, Jean Regulier. @Regular Joe

GOSH I've not posted my draws in a while! Heeere are some things I've done. An emu spider. The most horrible and terrifying beast of Australia. A Vulp that gets too fluffy, particularly @Aelwyn. Beware the fluff, as soon it may grow large enough to create a gravitational pull. @Denghis's NULL, who's a really neatly designed IPC that did an amazing PR of late. HERE Is art. Thank you for looking at it (I love you guys)

Hello! This is a pretty simple and easily code-able suggestion, that I think alot of people would agree with. X-ray is a rather unfun thing to deal with, and goes very heavily against the spirit of SS13, in the sense that things should be uncertain and paranoia should be rife. Anyway my proposal is this: Change miner 'Eyes of god' to simply not drop from tendril chests anymore or rework it to be something a little more interesting and fair, maybe ghost allhud? That would be cool in my opinion. Miners have alot of toys, and free X-ray from RNG is pretty dumb game design to begin with. As for Genetics, changing their X-ray to just be Thermals would probably be enough, as it is currently just locked behind a bit of RNG, meaning you can get it 5 minutes into the round or never, which is again pretty dumb game design. Thanks for reading, have a nice day/morning/evening.

Some more Dungeons and Dragons related works. Here's some seasonal outfits. 1) for Spring/Summer 2) for Autumn/Spring 3) for winter Auriel in a sort of "Red Death" costume, I don't hope we have a sort of masquerade session at somepoint Designed outfits for the made-up company that the party has pretended to be a part of... When sneaking through a guild office. During the session from last week- We picked up a job to search for a ship wreck, and to salvage what we could from it. However, we may have gotten distracted on our way rowing closer... And maybe went in a little circle. After finding the ship wreck and dealing with some oozed possessed creature skeletons, we had this encounter. leading to Auriel being too close and personal with the oblex.

Gosh, there's so many amazing artists here, I thought I'd plonk down my work too. As you can see by my profile picture I've doodled my girl, Jay. (Jay 'Justine' Chase, I went with 'Justine Case' first, but then I realised having a pun for a name is a bad trait for a long term character... And everyone kept mistaking her for a guy.) She's a smilie human who's a bit bland, but tries her best. I really like starting items, and after a few tries, I found that the flat cap and the old scarf I realised that they fit together quite well. If I wrote a backstory for her it would probably come from one of her parents. Anyhow, I hope you like it! I hope to be posting a lot more art here, this is a very good game to draw, so many different characters and shenanigans... If you ever find Jay in game, if we happen to have a fun exchange just give me a message, I might as well draw up your character hanging out with her! I hope you all like it anyhow, I'm hoping to improve as time goes on.

Name of Event: Efficiency test on the Cyberiad One Sentence Description: Some players have gotten secret orders from CENTCOM to work really slowly or make stupid mistakes at their workplace and IAA needs to find them Map Changes: No Code Changes: No Suggested Number of Players: Medium-High population Full Description of Event: At the start of the shift, certain players get messages from CENTCOM similar to this. ”You've been tasked by CENTCOM to test the efficiency of the IAA team. You have authority to neglect your duty, perform mistakes and generally make a mess of your workplace. You are not authorized to destroy property or hurt people or in general destroy the station. If you are discovered by an IAA agent, you must start performing your job as per usual.” If you want specifics they can vary from job to job. Below are a few examples: Chef: ”Make the most disgusting food you can think off” Cargo Tech: ”Make sure all crates are delivered to the wrong department” Bartender: ”Make sure everyone on the station is intoxicated and not doing their job” Librarian ”Go around and demand fines for books that have not been returned. Refuse to fill the library until all fines are paid.” Doctor ”You are not authorized to let someone die, however, you should treat them for as long as possible. Also ask them invasive personal questions and make sure they answer.” The IAA gets the following message: ”This station is running an efficiency test the following shift. Inside several departments there are employees who are, on orders from CENTCOM, neglecting their duties and mismanaging their tasks. Find them and make sure they start doing their job properly.” The IAA has their job cut out for them.

I know this pain. Marshal didn't smoke until I started working Magistrate as him. Plus it's fun when people are genuinely confused by it.

Okay so I'm nowhere near done looking at all these but had to stop for this one. I love your style in general, my fav so far is how you draw slime people, but this one just stands out. The text spam the AI receives showing on the screen is ao fantastic and probably something every AI can relate to LMAO

You know. I am starting to believe we should be giving our security crewmembers classes on the potential negative impacts of smoking on their job performance...

The collection enlargens! I love your style. On my spaceman I especially like you drew him smiling. I've tried to play Jean a happy fellow no matter if the honk had hit the fan or not. Well captured!

Many departments have pets, and I believe that the clown can definitely make use of the Honkiest of pets... The goose. it's an asshole, it honks, and would be perfect for players to possess, try and drag away things people are using, and just like the clown, be an utter nuisance. Imagine a pet that's perfect for dragging around a banana, or soap. I don't know how hard the coding would be for a simple sound emote, but maybe we could get a goose honk as well *Honk. This addition would also help with the DNA vault, if you can get it to hold still long enough, and not steal the DNA extractor itself. I think it would be fun to put a poll up for the name as well. Honky is my suggestion, but I would love to hear other suggestions.

If an admin ruled you were being suspicious then YOU might have been the problem in that situation. Or its possible that nobody is at fault in particular. If its code red you're supposed to stay in your department and comply with all lawful orders from security. Cults are serious. Spessmen die and some can't even be brought back. A vampire is one of the most dangerous regular antagonists once they reach full power. They can't be faulted for trying to protect the crew. In fact if Security says stay out of maint and you go into maint you can be brigged for 10 minutes for creating a workplace hazard. Thats twice as long as your confusion from holy water and fully justified under space law, SOP, and common sense. Now if you're just in maint, its kinda borderline. You stuck your toe over the line, the officer jumped on you and you both ended up wasting your time. But if you're carrying a stun prod, cable cuffs, unknown, carrying paper or any combination Security is fully justified. At that point you're either validhunting or looking to get converted. Both are rule breaking violations. In either situation even if holy water did have adverse effects I feel like security would be justified in using it. Except now if you're just in a bad place at a bad time you're all messed up instead of just taking a 5 minute timeout. As for making the prayer beads the only method of conversion thats just... bad. I'm all for chaplains taking a more backline role against the cult but if you tie the only method of de-conversion to the null rod in a single form then you're making everything worse. If the null rod or chaplain goes missing Security's only option is to kill all cultists until a replacement can be found. And in more extreme cases they are going to want to kill suspected cultists. Take a scenario where you find a discarded tome and decide to turn it into security, on your way security decide to stop and search you due to a large number in your department being confirmed cultists. They find the tome and take you back to the brig for deconversion. The officer calls for the chaplain but hears on the radio that he hasn't been seen in 5 minutes and his sensors are turned off. The officer has 3 choices. They can let you go, there is little reason to believe you aren't a cultist at this point, if they do so they would be endangering the station. They could lock you in a brig cell and hope that both the HOP opens another Chaplain slot and that somebody latejoins, they're competent, and can make it to the brig alive. All the while they run the risk of you being teleported out of their grasp. Third option, they execute you on the spot for being an uncontainable EoC, they can revive and deconvert you once a chaplain is available. This isn't a great option either because there is a slim chance you're not a cultist and your story about just wanting to turn in the tome is true but as the cult gets stronger and stronger option 3 starts to look better and better. None of the options are good and in the two arguably best options the detainee ends up worse off. ---------------- Responding to Kyet's idea that antag tests are poor form I broadly agree but in this case I feel like the fact the test is accessible and slow means its a little more balanced. If the justification is loose then security is punished by having to hang around 3 minutes for the de-conversion to dud. I'd support making it less foolproof though. Ways to give security a false negative would mean it could have some interesting counterplays. See my suggestion of having it fake deconvert if the test fails for one example.

Can confirm Warrior is correct on what Holy water actually does. After 75 ticks it has a 33% chance to deconvert each additional tick. 35u will have a 99% chance to deconvert and 40 will 99.99%. It'll pretty much lock you in confusion until it fully purges from your system past that point. If you're a cultist or thrall it all gets purged from your system on deconvert. I wouldn't want to add any kind of real negative side effects. Its just going to end up hurting the imbiber more than security. If someone is being real dumb about it then you can ahelp it. I was once given 200u because I picked up a tome as a librarian and never de-converted because I wasn't a cultist just a bookkeeper. Personally I think this might best be solved with a change of SOP. Make the deconversion procedure more standard. 40u or 4 sips. IAAs can yell at officers that give more and security have less of an excuse of 'I didn't know how much to give'. Usually I'm against Security having perfect knowledge of how to deal with Antags but in this case it makes it easier on the person stuck in processing more than anything. I kind of agree that security just hoarding a big holy water tank is a bit of an issue. Though I wouldn't say that holy water shouldn't deconvert. The fact you can make it through Chemistry means that there's an option if the Chaplain is absent, negligent or dead. Otherwise the only choice is to lethal cultists and leave them to rot. You could possibly make it so only handheld items could be blessed. That would mean they best they could do is have a couple buckets on hand at a time. Alternatively, and I'd rather see this, make it so cultists can sully holy water. That turns holding onto a holy water tank into a liability because if the cult steals it they suddenly have an unholy water tank OR they can even leave it in the brig and let security forcefeed everyone unholy water. Healing their cultists and killing the innocent. (This is also mostly irrelevant to the discussion but I'd like it if Cultists showed the deconvert message always when the holy water purged from their system. Even if it wasn't successful. It would allow for some counterplays with dental/chem implants. As it is now if you don't deconvert and they're pretty sure you're a cultist they can just feed you more and more until they get their happy little message. If it showed any time the chem ran out you could just pop your charcoal pill halfway through your deconversion and slip through security's fingers. Maybe you could even get a mindshield out of the deal too!)

Oh, I forgot, this was an early sketch that was trashed

I drew bee. Gummy holding bee. Goombee. Bee.

This is a slightly different mini project I did to commemorate a shift I did with DTX, showing him the ropes to security. @AffectedArc07

Deja! One cool nerd, beep boop. I didn't realize their full name was 'Deja Voo' which is a pun that I'll only slightly forgive.

Bak Bak, the Ghost of Malpractice Past! Seeking revenge on all the baldies that don't know how to take you out of cryo tubes. Very spooky. (I Hope I did okay with this, I was sorta struggling at the end with effects. Lighting is HARD to draw

I sorta like this sketchy style, It's something I did at the start of my artings but I've not returned to until now. Much less effort! THAT Said, it's PEPPER! The heckin' neat IPC who's got a soft spot for fluffy furballs. Hey. I don't judge. He also can like money times. Mone.

okay this one is a bit of a double whammy, uh... so basically a 'Crob' is a blue crab. It might be more sinister, or perhaps more unknowable, all that we know is that it is blue. CM, and one of the mods at CM, recently brought Crobs to the main stage. I drew some fanart. Enjoy the Crobs.

Who's that pokemon? It's Seshi! With a GUN. Where'd they get that gun? Put it down. They're in a fancy Unathi R.I.G suit.

@BonkaiTheRoris streamed Slime rancher for me... and I couldn't get it out of my head that Jasmine was the one ranging these dastardly squishes. So I drew it! I cheated a bit with the background, I'm sorry. Jasmine is a good squish.

This was a commission done for @Esenno who's a wonderful trial of a nerd. It's law. MARSHAL law. Here they are doing some reading on a particularly difficult case. Probably the murder of 4 grey-shirts who broke into the kitchen via the chef who made them into delicious burgers. Trespassing in the kitchen will do that. or maybe not. He's probably looking at something a lot more serious. At least he's got some company to keep him motivated. *chirp

A piece I did for some SPESS people! The commissioner asked for some interesting looking characters on the poster, but wasn't descriptive on who exactly, so I got to make up some different likely spess adventurers. The little red dots make up the constellation for Scorpio, as it's a project that the commissioner is working on, and I'm wishing them luck! This was enjoyable to work on, I got to draw space which I always enjoy, and I got to draw just some... different sorta characters!

A commission I did for some people, the Blacksheild of a HRP server. It was fun to do, I will say that uh... Uniforms are hard to vary. I DUNNO IF I SHOULD BE SHARING art of different spess plesses but uh... I do WHEEEEEEEEEEEE I love you all

What a year it has been. Honestly this marks around the year mark I started playing space, or at least, very close to. How the time flies, honestly, I’m astounded by how things progressed. From watching a video about a strange ‘Checkers’ guy playing an obscure, low graphics game, to becoming admin of one of the servers said games. It constantly astounds and impresses me, the amount of kindness and welcoming energy this community has. Though some things may have changed, some people have shifted here and there, that sense of gentle joy of seeing so many people interacting and crafting characters and worlds together has not gone anywhere. The art that’s been made, the stories that have been crafted, the people that have been met… it’s all just amazing. I’m not sure what I’d be doing if I hadn’t found Space Station, but likely it wouldn’t have been something that got me so many wonderful, and loving friends. Honestly. You all are some amazing people. Though there’s always a few hiccups, I’ve had an amazing year. Thank you all. Really. Here are some images that have been made for me, it’s really just an honor to have such people around me that’d… well, make anything for me, honestly! Thank you so much!

Jason Jedd! Diona and chill 2 the x-treme. A commission I had to get done before someone's birthday, I think it turned out well. Gosh!

I've been trying to keep up with the art. Here's a small drawing I did for a HRP server I've been checking out with some peeps, I gotta say I do appreciate the more in-depth character interactions. I'm going to make an effort to use the me verb more often on para... They're basically the equivalent of an Unathi, working as a Corpsman- or military medic. Viola Farin.

Zixqu, a charming colourblind skrell. They're quite a pleasure to be around! I can't help but feel Skrell are some of the more dramatic races, thanks to Dreamy. Here he is... lounging.

A quick thing, I didn't actually mean to finish it while I should be studying for a test... BUT, here we are, Kyani! They're quite wholesome!

Taking requests when I should be doing commissions. No. Wait. When I SHOULD be studying for my test worth 50% of my grade in three days. But how could I resist? Vespa is cute. PRINCESS Vespa is CUTER. But also strangely foreboding. Who knows. BUT HEREEEEE SHE ISSSS!

UwU

@PhantasmicDream Did a little sketch of her wonderful Skrell putting the charm on Jay. Needless to say, he's a good bartender for a reason. I took the sketch and did a little bit of colour and shade~ Sorta a colab, I suppose

Who's that Birthday Bot? It's Robbie! Toasters for everyone! Happy birthday you nerd. @rapaskoti

Who's that VOX? It's Kar-ski! This is a commission from them and I gotta say they're really polite and nice. I also have to say, I really appreciate the effort Kar-Ski puts in every round. When they're a surgeon, they're taking an effort to improve the ORs, getting Vox Blood to SM them when they need, and is just generally making their workplace really good looking. When they're NT rep they dress up fantastically, and do some real nice re-modeling. When they're just trading? Well, that's when they shine. Their shops are amazing, and astounding, and honestly Its a shame I don't get to head over and investigate more often. Their creativeness is honestly quite inspiring, and I always feel like they help build up any round they are a part of. It's always wonderful to see them round. That said, welcome to Kar-Ski's Skipjack Trade Shack!

You know, I think I like this style a bit more... It's pixel-ie and suits the more simple drawings that I do for this. Anyway, here's your N.N.O, Alyssia! So fluffy, but if you try and pet, you will probably be promptly dead'd.

So, a certain Vox, Krikikachik, turns themselves into a hell hound a LOT. Now, I'm not one to judge but... I had the sneaking suspicion that it was a reason. I have discovered that @BeanOS's Vox actually wants to be a hot dog boy. I don't know why I made this... I spent... a bit too much time.

First round as a Roboticist was also a malf AI round. What fun. So I couldn't really make any new borgs. I decided to have some fun though, and instead of making borgs I put robo-brains into mechs, and IPCs. One of these Robo-brains referred to me as 'Mom', and I thought that was kinda cute, so instead of putting them into a mech like their... I guess, siblings, I put them into an IRC. Being called 'Fate' they decided on the name 'Omen' which I thought was nice. They helped me out with robotics. Heh. The player said they'd make Omen their IPC character! Which made me quite proud. To the left is Fate, and left is Omen. They both have hex codes after their name that represent their colours!

This helpful CC Grey gave me the parts to make a BSA as CE, so we could fight those pesky Syndicate Comms agents!... And maybe also blow a hole though the escape shuttle. A tiny. Little hole. And then gib myself next shift with the new engine delivery system. I'm a competent CE, I promise. In all honesty @necaladun's Invisi-grey is really neat, and only SLIGHTLY terrifying when re-educating a HoP with an energy sword. Maybe a bit more than slightly.

Vespa. One heck of a squish! Pretty goopy.

A commission done for Torque, two move posters, that I made up... uh, there's probably some spelling mistakes, but heck, here you go!

Qur! The warbling Skrell that makes me love the fact we have a sound for that emote every time I encounter them. GOOD STUFF. She's adorable.

SO, I just spend 7 straight hours putting this together. I had possibly one of my favourite rounds, or at least my favourite involving an AI, yesterday night as CE. It was a custom event, a meteor shower, and then a Giant ass meteor heading towards Sec. So, as you can imagine, as CE, I had my hands... quite full... with trying to deal with everything. I got cargo to order as many meteor shields as their shuttle could carry, and tried my best to organize my WONDERFUL engineers into action. They were great. So, we managed to patch up the station with some help from CC, and sec opened up the giant ass meteor stuck in their armory to reveal an ash drake. But, it's my job to repair the damage AFTER it is done, so I didn't get involved much. However, the highlight of the game was when the starting AI stopped... well, working. It was still present, but it didn't wipe itself. So the RD had to make a new one, and a plucky little scientist volunteered- Ava. So they took out her brain and stuck it in an AI core, and brought it to upload, much closer to bridge. I had finished with most of the repairs that needed doing, and I'd never really... talked with an AI much, as I've never had the luxury of being actually in the same room as them (much). So I decided to talk, and I knew Ava was quite a good conversationalist. It got... pretty philosophical. At first I actually thought you could take the brain back out of the AI, but after trying to do that 'decommission (try every tool you know of to de-construct it then realize you can't and just harm-welder it to death0 the previous AI, I realized it wasn't actually possible to go back to ones fleshy organic form after you get AI'd. Ava slowly turned from their normal Vulpy self to something much more synthetic, which was fun to role-play out. Asking what would happen if they had different laws, they being unable to give any sort of opinion if they wanted their laws changed or not, just finding out the limits there were being an AI after the freedom of being a crew-member. Ava questioned if Giki would decommission her like she did the other AI, and some other pretty hard question. Perhaps the most major thing is that you're not getting payed anymore, and you become less of a crew-member and more of an object. Laws also influence you, so you could never be sure if you're actually you anymore or not... It's pretty spooky if you think about it, and quite a unique problem to the usual 'Non-post-organic AI'. Anyway, at the end when the shuttle was called, I asked the RD if i could add a new law. Law 15- "You are still the Vulp you once were, don't forget that." or something to that degree, so Ava could still hold on to that personality of hers without being overcome by the torrent of synthetic signals and directives. Though an Ion law came in right after saying 'You need week berries to survive but we... fixed that. ANYWAY it was a TERRIFIC round and honestly I'm so glad I stayed up way past a reasonable hour to play it. Ava is best Vulpai.

VULPS! Vin and Sam, two different Vulps. Here they ARE just chillin'

An aaaaaaaaaart trade! Phoebe, nice purple hat. Keepin' an eye on those halls... I wonder what could be lurking around the corner. Probably nothing. Just another relaxing day outside bar...

Tried doing something new! I was thinking of getting into spriting, so I picked up myself a pixel program and gave it a test run, this time with Ratika! Who is a very good NT rep and cares for their PAIs well. It was neat to do, and I think I've got a handle on things now, though I hear the process for making sprites for beyond is a lot... more complicated.... BUT I guess now I don't have to learn about the program I use, and I know that I can pixel without it looking like a COMPLETE mess. There's some things I'd like to improve on, like layer management and such, but all in all I think this came out pretty well...

Dayana Shaffer! Very good slimeperson. My first round as HoS was eventful, but I managed to hold it together... That is until I had a troublesome Doctor asking if I wanted to get any implants. Well, obviously I wanted to try out those neat new Non-drop and rebooter things, but I was suspicious. We had no brig doc. So, I decided I'd get a PAI to watch over me. Great idea. (Not great) So, I get my implants and go to get some surgery. Apparently I got an extra implant free of charge. That PAI didn't... help much... She said these words as I got back up, missing that green flashy 'Mindsheild' of mine. So my first round of HoS was also my first round being Mindslaved. Go figure. Fantastic work by Day though, she managed to play me like a damn fiddle, and I helped her win by calling the warden in and watching as she gunned them down in cold, slimy, blood. *squish (She also mind-slaved me again like one round later to the tune of Rock the Casbar. Apparently I'm that easy.)

It's! Zeke! Your favourite drunk Skrell. PhantasmicDream was kind enough to do an art trade with me, so this is my part! They did such a good job! Ah! I hope you like it, Dream.

Who is it? It's my favourite IPC! Torque! They taught me how nonchalant IPCs are about death, and how cool engineering is. *Bweep *Bwoop *BUZZ

Pet Rocks: The Perfect Pet! Congratulations on taking the first step towards responsible pet ownership! While we here at Nanotrasen's Pet Division know there are a large number of potential pets, we can guarantee* that none are nearly as exciting and lovable as the ever-loyal Pet Rock! [spoiler2]* This guarantee is universally exempt from challenge in any court of law, basketball court, courtship rituals, and Switzerland. * Guarantee void outside the exact center of Sol, and may be subject to additional conditions inside Sol.[/spoiler2] Section 1: A Brief History of Pet Rocks. Since time immemorial, the universe has been inhabited by rocks of all shapes, sizes, colors, and mineral compositions. A long-lived and hardy species, rocks have successfully integrated into nearly every civilization and thrive within. Due to their loyal nature and exceptional obedience, rocks were quickly domesticated and became the very foundations of many galaxy-spanning civilizations in a wide-variety of roles. Most notably, however, they have been deemed the "perfect pet" by some of the most knowledgeable individuals, and have been widely adopted as Pet Rocks for multiple millenniums*. [spoiler2]* Exact date of the first Pet Rock's adoption is up for debate, but scholars agree that it was "a really really long time ago or something."[/spoiler2] Section 2: The Unique Biology of Pet Rocks. Rocks are amazing creatures, featuring one of the most unique anatomical and biological structures ever observed. Despite the presence of ANY organs, sensory faculties, or even recorded sentience, they have managed to inhabit nearly every planet and asteroid belt in existence. Moreover, their unique structure has made them resilient against even the most virulent of pathogens and insidious toxins, a trait that has been coveted by many and to which the rock owes it's amazingly long life-span. Rocks, despite lacking obvious reproductive organs, also are able to reproduce in a unique manner. Asexual beings by nature, rocks reproduce by a process similar to mitosis, in which the "parent" rock creates offspring that splits off from it into a separate entity. This process occurs naturally over an extended duration, colloquially refered to as "erosion", in which the parent slowly reduces it's own personal mass as it releases hundreds of smaller offspring that are sometimes called "pebbles", "shards", "chips", or "sand". Careless miners have been often injured when the offspring of a rock they mistakenly attacked have attacked in the defense or in revenge for their parent's injuries. Rocks also seem to possess a unique biological function that has been likened to a natural cryostasis. In the absence of suitable foods, rocks have been observed as being able to suspend their digestive systems indefinitely, leading less-scientifically inclined individuals to believe that rocks simply do not require food to survive. This is in fact a falsehood, as rocks are naturally a voracious carnivore, and among some of the most dangerous of predators to have ever existed. Luckily, they are incredibly picky eaters, and have developed a strong bond of loyalty with many races that exempts it's members from the rock's seemingly insatiable appetite*. [spoiler2]* Do note, that there have been many recorded instances in which rocks, both wild and domesticated, have attacked members of these races. This unusually aggressive behavior has been deemed abnormal and is suspected to be a result of severe distress. Rocks are incredibly dangerous entities and should be handled with respect and care to avoid them lashing out in self-defense.[/spoiler2] Section 3: Pet Rock Care and Grooming. Much like cats and a number of other pets, Rocks require little to no external grooming. When undisturbed, they will typically groom themselves of most of their natural irritants. Dust, contrary to popular belief, is not actually a sign of filth for rocks. In fact, the dust is actually a naturally secreted compound that acts as a sort of repellent for further filth, released from the rock's hide to create a shielding layer to maintain it's cleanliness over time. Should your pet rock ever become exceptionally dirty, or should you wish to aid it's grooming process (perhaps in anticipation of company or entry into a pet show), only a gentle rubbing under some running water is necessary, while soap or space cleaner will clean your pet rock and leave it with a brief yet pleasing fragrance. Regardless of the method used to clean the rock, it will always display affection and gratitude for the assistance and attention it has received. All pet rocks have been thoroughly house-trained and given standard health examinations before being placed up for adoption by crew, so there will be no need for you to worry about either of these upon adoption. However, it is suggested that you instruct your new pet rock on an acceptable location for it to do it's business, as to avoid accidents when it simply cannot hold it in any longer. Recommended locations from experienced pet rock owners are "the bathroom", "in a potted plant", "in the pasture", and "on the captain's desk", however we encourage you to designated whatever location will be most convenient for you and your rock. While Pet Rocks are quite notable in their docility, new owners are advised to keep an eye on their rock for the first day. The new surroundings may cause excessive excitability in the rock which can lead to a wide variety of issues such as accidental damages to the workplace, running away (usually they migrate towards the disposal outlet in cargo for an unknown reason), and rarely outbursts of violent behavior. Pet rocks tend to share an almost empathetic bond with their owner and have been shown to react to people in a way that mirrors the owner's disposition towards the individual. Therefore, until your pet rock has fully adjusted to it's new home, it is recommended that you attempt to prevent it from being near people you dislike as to avoid any accidental attacks. Remember: the rock is an alpha predator, and has been scientifically proven to feel no remorse. Before being adopted, all pet rocks are fed to ensure their owner will not need to hurry and locate food for the rock they just adopted. This is fortunate, because as mentioned above, pet rocks are very picky eaters, and locating their preferred food is quite difficult. Also, rocks tend to experience frequent and unpredictable changes of taste, meaning they will quickly grow bored of a meal and thus refuse to eat it. As such, new owners are encouraged to offer their pet rock various types of food until the current preference is located. Simply place the food on a table or floor, then place the rock beside it and wait. Should it be correct, the rock will voraciously devour the meal, assuming the rock is hungry. Should your rock ignore the food, they may simply be not hungry or it is not their current taste. Don't be disheartened if you cannot locate their taste, the chef is likely to blame and needs to be fired for failing to provide food of exceptional quality. Section 4: Training Your Rock. Pet Rocks are exceptionally loyal and obedient, with an intelligence that has been recorded as surpassing that of various crew members. It is possible to train pet rocks to perform a variety of actions and tricks, assuming the owner/trainer is patient. Sit: This one of the simplest commands to teach your pet rock, as they already know the associated action. Simply state "Sit." in a firm yet calm tone, with an optional hand gesture of a single finger pointing to the floor. Pet rocks will nearly always learn this command on the first attempt, though should the rock fail to sit, make sure to remain calm so as not to add anger to your tone. Repeat the command, this time with the rock's name before it, such as "Fred, sit." and the rock will surely comply this time. Down / Lay Down: This is another simple command to instruct, and has similar success to the "Sit" command in how quickly the rock will learn it. For this command, make a firm gesture of an open palm facing the floor, then lower the hand slightly as if pushing something down as you firmly state "Down." or "Lay Down." in a calm tone. It may be difficult to tell if your rock has successfully followed the command, so owners are encouraged to closely inspect their pet rock to determine if it is actually laying down. Repeating the command while the rock is already laying down will confuse them, and undo the previous training of the command as the rock will believe they did the command incorrectly. Patience is key for retraining should this confusion occur. Stay: This is an important command for pet rocks to learn, so as to avoid them wandering into the more dangerous sections of the station. Simply extend an open palm towards the rock, as if to push someone back and state "Stay." Rarely are rocks observed to disobey this order of their own volition, and will stay where they were indefinitely unless extraordinary circumstances or an outside force causes a need for them to move. Should you return after having given this command and leaving to find your rock has moved, it is not encouraged to scold the rock for it's disobedience. Instead, approach the rock in a calm, even soothing manner, and provide it with a gentle rub and kind words, as being forced to disobey orders causes an immense guilt in the rock's psyche. Remember: rocks will only disobey a "Stay" command under the most dire of circumstances or involuntarily due to outside forces. Punishing them for something outside their control is just cruel. GET DAT FUKKEN DISC: This is a very advanced command, and typically takes years to train. It has been included in this guide as an example of the intelligence and potential of rocks. For obvious security reasons, we cannot provide comprehensive instructions for training this command, however we assure you that a number of Pet Rocks have been trained to do this successfully. We do not encourage you to spend your time on board the Cyberiad attempting to teach this command, as you likely have more important duties (such as your JOB!) to attend to. This is just a small fraction of the tricks and commands that owners have trained their pet rocks to perform, and is by no means complete. Using your creativity and your pet rock's obedient nature, you can train your rock in a wide variety of tasks such as drug detection, tracking fugitives, fetching the morning paper and your slippers, back-flips, singing, paperwork, and even Class 8 hazardous materials handling. Conclusion Thank you for reading our Comprehensive Guide to Pet Rocks, a primer for pet rock care. Should you have any tips of your own that you would like to share, or should we have missed a topic you would like covered, please comment below and we will have our interns respond as quickly as possible!