Deanthelis
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Posts posted by Deanthelis
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Use your bucket on the space cleaner dispenser to fill your mop bucket with it.
Now you can mop without slipping.
Why?
Who knows.
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This proposal is intended to be one of satirical or comedic nature and is not to be taken seriously.
There are a number of glaring issues and strong advantages with the current Singularity engine. I have devised an alternative to it that may make things more manageable, and possibly more fun, for the engineering department, and if nothing else, will give them something to do when things aren't broken to hell.
Singularity: Disadvantages
-Kills everyone when it gets loose
-Stops making power when it's plasma tanks are consumed
-Consumes a large amount of power when starting up containment, and as such cannot be started if power runs out due to negligence
-Is released for some reason all the time and kills everyone
-Cannot be repaired or maintained by synthetic beings like borgs or ipcs
-Is radioactive and harms those nearby
-Kills everyone
Singularity: Advantages
-Kills everyone in a fun, gibby manner
-Produces huge amounts of power if done properly
-When emitters are locked, it can be generally ignored and doesn't need refueling for about four hours
-Kills everyone
-Is hard for nuke ops to sabotage because the EMPs cause their implants to blow up
-Is a functioning deity
-Works great as a garbage disposal
-Kills everyone
Having roughly enumerated the pros and cons of the singularity engine, I will launch into my proposal.
In a sentence: Monkeys on treadmills.
The engineers would have a large room with a sink, monkey cubes, and six to eight treadmills. The room would also contain vending machines; namely:
-AutoDrobe
-HatLord
-Soda machine
-Mr. Chang
-Limited booze o mat
-Book vendor that dispenses readable books
-Toy vendor that dispenses various toys
-Vendor for bruise packs and similar
It would also contain two riding crops and a number of beds equal to the number of treadmills.
The monkeys are to be placed on the treadmills, and the treadmills turned on. The faster the monkey runs, the more power it makes. The rest is to keep the monkeys moving.
As the monkeys run, they slowly become thirsty, hungry, bored, tired, and unhappy.
They also have a specific level of intelligence, which starts at 0 and ranges from -10 to 10.
Soda slightly helps the tiredness and resolves thirst.
Mr. Chang food makes monkeys thirsty, but reduces hunger.
Booze makes monkeys happier the dumber they are, and resolves thirst. However, it makes them one point dumber each time they drink. If they get below -10, they become mentally incapable of breathing and suffocate to death.
Reading a book to a monkey makes them one point smarter, but only if different books are read, as consecutively reading the same one will not work. It also makes the monkey more bored. In addition, a monkey that reaches 11 intelligence becomes controlled by a ghost and seeks to free itself and its companions to revolt against its oppressors and take over the station!
Toys reduce boredom, but make the monkeys tired and slower. They also reduce unhappiness. They must be changed every fifteen minutes or the cause extra boredom.
Fancy hats and clothes make the monkey happier, but must be changed every fifteen minutes or they cease working and cause unhappiness instead.
The riding crops force the monkey to run faster, for a short time. It hurts the monkey and causes a lot of unhappiness.
Bruise packs can fix the injuries caused by riding crops, or from being flung off the treadmill when exhausted.
Making a monkey run until it is exhausted will send it flying off the treadmill and cause injury and unhappiness.
Allowing a monkey to become too bored will make it run slower and slower until it stops.
Hunger and thirst slow down the monkey, and can kill it if it is whipped back up to speed.
Allowing the monkey to sleep for five minutes eliminates fatigue.
Each treadmill has a scanner to indicate the monkeys monkey's conditions. They beep and announce warnings when dangerously close to a negative extreme.
Treadmills can be emagged to allow players to be forced onto them; they produce much more power than monkeys, and become hungry and take stamina damage over time. If they fall asleep while on the treadmill, the treadmill begins to grind them down, starting with their feet and slowly grinding and ripping apart their bodies until they reach the torso, where the groin is flung off and they die, their upper body stuck to the treadmill's handrails by the bindings. This also creates a huge gigantic mess, and could possibly serve as an alternative execution method or an antagonist objective.
The riding crop, when used on a player, should deal pain damage after the first hit. The first hit temporarily makes them run a little faster.
This concludes my proposal. Please consider it carefully and provide adequate, constructive feedback.
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Name: Jeeves
Full Name: William Heathrow Jeeves XXXIII
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Race: Human (probably)
Blood Type: O-
General Occupational Role(s):
-Butler
-Chef
-Barber
-Tailor
-Deliveryperson
-Valet
-Caretaker (For the elderly, disabled, etc)
-Personal Assistant
Biography:
Jeeves is the 33rd Jeeves in a long-standing line of butlers and manservants. His family has served as attendants to the quite wealthy Halfordshire family since the early 1740's, when his predecessor was sent to the Massachusetts Bay Colony as an indentured servant. Every Jeeves before him has been saddled with the last Jeeves' remaining debt, as the first Jeeves accrued a massive amount of debt that, as it was unpaid generation after generation, built up over time due to compounding interest and inflation adjustments.
William Heathrow Jeeves XXXIII was born to Martha Jeeves and William Heathrow Jeeves XXXII in 2502. He grew up in the Halfordshire manse on Luna, and there was trained from a young age to cook, clean, operate spacecraft, basic combat, and other such faculties that working for a powerful family demanded. Shortly after his birth, the Orange Rush rocked humanity, and unfortunately, the great old Halfordshire family sided against Nanotrasen in the following few decades, and was slowly but surely eliminated as the family rapidly burnt through its monetary reserves in a desperate struggle to remain powerful, to no avail. After serving the Halfordshire family for nearly fifty years, Jeeves found himself out of employment and aboard a labor shuttle bound for plasma mines where other debtors slaved away for Nanotrasen. The dissolution of the Halfordshire family left Jeeves the only benefactor to inherit the assets of the family - which, by this time, consisted of over three trillion credits.
Jeeves now has placed Nanotrasen upon the pedestal the Halfordshire family once stood on, and for the most part, very little is different from before. By now, Jeeves has drifted between NT stations for three years, seemingly unable to find any one wealthy benefactor to dedicate himself to.
Qualifications:
Basic medical training
Basic hand to hand combat training
Basic firearm training
Advanced mastery of cooking
Certified caretaker for elderly, children, and disabled persons
Spacecraft piloting training, including space pods
Advanced janitorial training
Employment Records:
-Halfordshire Estate, Butler, 44 years
-Nanotrasen Navy Cook, 6 months
-Nanotrasen Navy Custodial Technician, 6 months
-Nanotrasen Navy Nurse, 1 year
-Nanotrasen Office of Internal Affairs, Central Command, Administrative Assistant, 6 months
-Miscellaneous positions aboard varied vessels, 6 months
Security Records:
-Greivous fax machine accident on record. Killed fourteen individuals and caused the loss of his entire left arm. Blamed for incident by way of tie becoming stuck in the fax machine. Punished by reduction of pay and fees for fourteen revivifications amounting approx. 13 million credits.
-Greivous deep frying accident on record. Killed six individuals and caused the loss of his entire right arm. Blamed for incident by way of tie becoming caught in the grease trap. Punished by fine of eight million credits and a sanction barring ownership of ties.
-Given the Transparent Heart of Janitorial Excellence for successfully cleaning up after a violent, grievous incident involving a malfunctioning food processor that claimed the lives of one hundred twenty three individuals. Fined 40 million credits for slipping the officer who granted the medal, who flew out of an open airlock and died.
Medical Records:
-Cybernetic right arm
-Cybernetic left arm
-Allergic to welder fuel, plasma gas, and pay reductions
Personnel Photo (Appearance text):
He is an aging man about five feet and ten inches tall. He has a gaunt figure and a strained, angular face. He is quite pale, and his skin makes the grayed combover on his head, carefully arranged and gelled in place, seem at least a little darker. He often wears a dark blue or black suit, complete with a tie and dress shoes. At times he walks with a cane, though seemingly for cosmetic purposes.
Commendations [only to be added by admin]:
Reprimands [only to be added by admin]:
Other Notes: Jeeves will be painfully polite, even as an antagonist or when insulting you to your face. He will never be Command staff, and it is entirely okay to arrest him for violating the injection against ties that is in his security Records. Seriously, do it, you'll make my day.
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I have no idea where to store all this shit, since it could be a guide to giving out paperwork, or it could be a suggestion of what paperwork to use, or a general discussion of paperwork, so because this is the first one I clicked on and am lazy, this is where it goes.
These first few are stuff for admins to send to players as responses via fax, and aren't really fill-able documents or whatever really.
Central Command Generic Header and Footer
[large]NanoTrasen Central Command[/large]
[br]
Official Expedited Memorandum
[small]*Failure to adhere appropriately to orders that may be contained herein is in violation of Space Law, and punishments may be administered appropriately upon return to Central Command.[/small]
[br][small]The recipient(s) of this memorandum acknowledge by reading it that they are liable for any and all damages to crew or station that may arise from ignoring suggestions or advice given herein.[/small]
The Official Central Command "You Can't Have Nice Things" Letter
[large]NanoTrasen Central Command[/large]
[br]
Official Expedited Memorandum
Central Command regrets to inform you that your request has been denied.
[br]This is most likely because your request is not in accordance with NanoTrasen Standard Operating Procedure, NanoTrasen Legal Standard Operating Procedure, or Space Law.
[br]Your request may also have been denied due to a lack of evidence to support claims made in your request; if this is the case, please attach additional evidence, and send your request again.
[br]It is also possible that what you have requested is unavailable to you, either due to simultaneous deployment of resources, frivolity of the request, or an injunction filed against you and/or your station.
[br]
[br]Central Command reserves the right to deny any request it sees fit to, in accordance with Article 16, Section 73, Part M of the NanoTrasen Central-to-Substation Agreement. Repeatedly sending frivolous or previously-denied requests is in violation of Space Law, and the sender is subject to review upon return to Central Command.
[small]*Failure to adhere appropriately to orders that may be contained herein is in violation of Space Law, and punishments may be administered appropriately upon return to Central Command.[/small]
[br][small]The recipient(s) of this memorandum acknowledge by reading it that they are liable for any and all damages to crew or station that may arise from ignoring suggestions or advice given herein.[/small]
The Official Central Command "You Don't Have to Ask To Shoot Syndies" Letter
[large]NanoTrasen Central Command[/large]
[br]
Official Expedited Memorandum
In accordance with Article 3, Section 4, Part A of NanoTrasen Standard Operating Procedure, the Captain, be they appointed by NanoTrasen or a temporary Acting Captain promoted in accordance with Article 5, Section 2, Part C of NanoTrasen Standard Operating Procedure, may authorize the execution of convicted criminals whose crimes warrant such measures without requiring explicit consent from Central Command; the consent is given to the individual as part of that rank.
[br]
[br]In accordance with Space Law, only criminals convicted of the crimes of Murder, Mutiny, Grand Sabotage, Assaulting a Head of Staff, Escaping From a Life Sentence, Terrorist Collaboration, or Sexual Assault may be executed. In addition, criminals whose accumulated crimes amount to a brig sentence longer than one hour may be given a life sentence instead, or at the discretion of the Captain as mentioned above, executed.
[br]
[br]In accordance with Article 2, Section 6, Part A of NanoTrasen Legal Operating Procedure, criminals given a death sentence may be given the following treatment(s):
[br]
- Death by Electric Chair
- Death by Firing Squad
- Death by Lethal Injection
- Death by Cyborgification
- Death by Method of Convict's Reasonable Request
[br]Executing a convict using any method besides those listed is in violation of Space Law, and a Captain who authorizes an illegal execution is subject to review and possible dismissal at Central Command.
[small]*Failure to adhere appropriately to orders that may be contained herein is in violation of Space Law, and punishments may be administered appropriately upon return to Central Command.[/small]
[br][small]The recipient(s) of this memorandum acknowledge by reading it that they are liable for any and all damages to crew or station that may arise from ignoring suggestions or advice given herein.[/small]
The Official Central Command "Stop Being Shitcurity" Warning Letter
[large]NanoTrasen Central Command[/large]
[br]
Official Expedited Memorandum
After the submission of significant evidence by individual(s) who have chosen to remain anonymous, Central Command has hereby issued a warning to the Security department of the NanoTrasen Science Station Cyberiad.
[br]The conduct of one or more members of the Security team has been reviewed and deemed inappropriate for officers of the Department of Asset Protection for a number of reasons, of which may be, but are not limited to:
[br]
- Unnecessarily Violent Treatment of Prisoner(s)
- Unlawful Method of Execution of Convicted Person(s)
- Inappropriate Length of Prison Sentence
- Inappropriate Usage of Station Arms
- Falsely Arresting an Innocent Crewmember
- Blatantly Ignoring NanoTrasen Standard or Legal Operating Procedure
- Loyalty Implant Malfunction
- General Incompetence
Names of Specific Individuals Warned(if any):
[br]Failure to rectify the aforementioned behavior is likely to result in a notice of employment termination from the Office of Internal Affairs at Central Command.
[small]*Failure to adhere appropriately to orders that may be contained herein is in violation of Space Law, and punishments may be administered appropriately upon return to Central Command.[/small]
[br][small]The recipient(s) of this memorandum acknowledge by reading it that they are liable for any and all damages to crew or station that may arise from ignoring suggestions or advice given herein.[/small]
The Official Central Command "Stop Being Shit in General" Warning Letter
[large]NanoTrasen Central Command[/large]
[br]
Official Expedited Memorandum
After the submission of significant evidence by individual(s) who have chosen to remain anonymous, Central Command has hereby issued a warning to specific individuals aboard the NanoTrasen Science Station Cyberiad.
[br]The conduct of the individual(s) has been reviewed and deemed inappropriate for a number of reasons, which may or may not be enumerated below, at the discretion of the official issuing the warning.
[br]
Inappropriate Conduct:
Names of Specific Individual(s) Warned:
[br]Failure to rectify the aforementioned behavior is likely to result in a notice of employment termination from the Office of Internal Affairs at Central Command.
[small]*Failure to adhere appropriately to orders that may be contained herein is in violation of Space Law, and punishments may be administered appropriately upon return to Central Command.[/small]
[br][small]The recipient(s) of this memorandum acknowledge by reading it that they are liable for any and all damages to crew or station that may arise from ignoring suggestions or advice given herein.[/small]
The Official Central Command "Pack Your Shit And Get Out" Termination Letter
[large]NanoTrasen Central Command[/large]
[br]
Official Expedited Memorandum
After the extended and careful review of the actions and demeanour of certain crewmember(s), the Central Command Office of Internal Affairs has deemed it necessary to issue this notice of immediate dismissal.
[br]The individual(s) listed below are to be terminated from employment immediately, and are to be detained until an emergency evacuation occurs, a crew transfer occurs, an order containing further disciplinary action is sent, or a Central Command official arrives to carry out additional punishments.
If the issuing Central Command official deems it necessary, (s)he will provide reasoning for the termination of the above individual(s). If not, the following space will remain blank.
[br]
[br]
[br]
[small]*Failure to adhere appropriately to orders that may be contained herein is in violation of Space Law, and punishments may be administered appropriately upon return to Central Command.[/small]
[br][small]The recipient(s) of this memorandum acknowledge by reading it that they are liable for any and all damages to crew or station that may arise from ignoring suggestions or advice given herein.[/small]
The Official Central Command "Lynch This Guy" Execution Order
[large]NanoTrasen Central Command[/large]
[br]
Official Expedited Memorandum
After the extended and careful review of the actions and demeanour of certain crewmember(s), the Central Command Office of Internal Affairs has deemed it necessary to issue this notice of immediate dismissal.
[br]The individual(s) listed below are to be executed immediately, and are to remain deceased.
[br]In the event an emergency evacuation or crew transfer occurs, the corpses of the individual(s) are to be transported to Central Command.
[br]Under no circumstances are the person(s) to be revived, except if a message containing an order to revive the person(s) is sent, or a Central Command official arrives and orders revivification.
[br]In addition, these individuals are not to by cyborgified, and if their body is in some fashion dismembered or they are beheaded, the brain is to be excised from the skull and placed in a freezer, then treated as the corpse would, as mentioned above.
If the issuing Central Command official deems it necessary, (s)he will provide reasoning for the execution of the above individual(s). If not, the following space will remain blank.
[br]
[br]
[br]
[small]*Failure to adhere appropriately to orders that may be contained herein is in violation of Space Law, and punishments may be administered appropriately upon return to Central Command.[/small]
[br][small]The recipient(s) of this memorandum acknowledge by reading it that they are liable for any and all damages to crew or station that may arise from ignoring suggestions or advice given herein.[/small]
The rest of these are for players to either fill out and use aboard the station, or to use as part of or as a message to Central Command via fax. These are in no particular order.
The NSS Cyberiad Header and Footer
[large]NanoTrasen Science Station Cyberiad[/large]
[br]
Official Expedited Memorandum
[field]
[small]*The signer, below, acknowledges that, to the best of his knowledge and ability, the information provided herein is accurate and truthful at the time the message is sent, and accepts responsibility, fiscally and legally, for any damages or wasted resources if (s)he is incorrect.
[br]Signed,
[br][sign]
- Death by Electric Chair
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This story has everything!
Drunk engineers, bluespace gods, evil witches and it's minions, soap, Hawke, roga AI piece of junk, janitors, bald DS and a happy ending.
Loved it.
It's missing one thing.
Me.
Auhauhau.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0xU33BwbMdy
I regret nothing.
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Fine, you can be Concubine No. 37.
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How am I supposed to play Good Cop, Fab Cop without my absolutely dashing black cap?
Why were they even removed in the first place?
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So basically, the Queen's final form would take pretty much the whole round to attain, right? If it's meant to be >DS, and the only thing that can kill it is the nuke, then it's got to be powerful enough to deal as much damage as the OTHER biological threat that warrants the nuke or a DS - the Blob.
This would be a rather difficult thing to achieve, though forcing the Queen to be immobile for a while IS a good way to balance it. I could see the difficulty of the gamemode being tweaked by adjusting how much time it takes for the Queen to reach that stage - I'd wager somewhere around 30 to 45 minutes, since the Queen would probably spend 30 to 45 minutes gathering up crewmembers for her babbies to face-love as well. Not to mention however much time it takes to go from a royal Embryo to a Queen. All of that added up affords a round that is over in an hour to an hour and a half, approximately - good time for a Xeno round, since ones that stretch beyond the 2-hour mark are generally unfun and the crew transfer shuttle is called anyway.
Come to think of it, it might be possible to reskin and reuse some of the blob mechanics to boot - allow facehuggers to be NPC's controlled by the Queen once she's rooted in place, but instead of blob zombies from blob spores, you get new drones.
Food for thought.
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As someone who regularly plays Chef and recruits civvies as delivery persons, this is something I support and am lazy enough that I will make no effort toward making it happen.
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Alright, I've mapmerge'd and recommitted.
Accidentally made a new PR, but... Eh.
Rookie mistakes, I guess.
Decided to just put four of them in the lockers in the Mining Dock, there's really no need for ten of the things.
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Exactly, Paradise stopped fully being part of bay many months ago and at best just nabs a few things from their codebase. (Such as pAI, but even that needed a good bit of work)
The mining system also got a minor rework when the drills were added, so anything could have been changed then.
I was there when this mining system was ported over, and I discussed at length with Zuhayr - the system's coder - what I'd have to do to port these over. I even linked him to our GitHub so he could look over it. All of the code for the scanner is already present; they were simply never added into the map.
I have tested them locally; they work fine.
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Are they fully coded? They may be a sprite and nothing more.
Also, you will need to use the map merge if you want your changes added, its under tools and VERY easy to use.
1. Yes. I talked to the guy who wrote the scanners. They're actually on nearly every Baystation-derived server (that uses the same mining system we do).
2. Map merge, eh? Didn't know that was a thing, thanks. I'll go do that right now.
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What do I want? Mining scanners.
What they are: Handheld devices, currently with the same sprite as an Analyzer.
What they do: Scan a 5x5 square, centered on the user, and give the user an idea of what ores (Diamonds, Uranium, Gold, etc.) are under their feet. The user has to be wearing Optical Meson Scanners for it to work and, if this even needs to be said, it only functions on the Asteroid.
Why do we need them? Because currently there is effectively no skill involved in the use of the large mining drills; an operator has to just drill in random places, and hope for the best. This can mean R&D does not get the materials they need for, in extreme cases, up to an hour.
How can we get them? We already have them. They're in the code, ready to go. I've even made a Pull Request on GitHub that adds ten of them - Four in the Mining Dock (in the lockers), three on the Mining Station (Under the hardsuits), and three in the secondary mining station (in the lockers as well). All the admins need to do is merge the pull request, the work is done.
Why should anyone care? If you don't play Science or Cargo, then I have no real reason for you to. Mining is an unloved job, one that is often transferred out of, and I think it should at least be a tad easier to supply R&D so the miners can have a little more time to explore the asteroid and actually enjoy themselves. Being stuck next to the drills all shift isn't very fun.
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Granted, but the admins only speak Klingon, and all event info and admin responses are adjusted accordingly.
I wish I was diligent enough to teach myself .dm code.
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No more often than shitmos techs or AIs with no sense of fun.
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At the VERY least, put more recharge stations. Minimum one in the Security and Engineering areas for Sec and Engineering borgs respectively. Or just a little dispenser on the walls here and there that replenishes their materials with a click, but not their power cell. Having to run all the way to the AI core, dorms or robotics room when fixing a breach from a meteor in, say, Arrivals, is awful.
I still think metal rods and wood should be on both regardless.
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Firstly:
-Give Engiborgs wood, wood tiles, and magnetic gripper.
-Give them both, and let them pick up with and manipulate with the gripper, Airlock/APC/Air Alarm/Fire Alarm Electronics. It's bananas that they can open and bolt/unbolt literally every door, but can't change the access on them or put in new ones in the event a traitor emags and tells them to break it/breaks a door with a bomb and they have to fix it. Also, the RCD only puts in unsecured airlocks, so it'd be good to be able to modify the access for those that way.
-Give Engiborgs disposal and atmos pipes. Let them be manipulated with the magnetic gripper too, if necessary.
-Give Engiborgs metal rods. Why do drones have this but not borgs?
Secondly:
Limited resources in terms of item stacks needs to go away. Make all the borg/drone tools consume power instead. For all borgs, not just Engiborgs and drones, though they need it the most. Assign a charge value to the different tools available, kind of like how the Secborg's taser and flash use up charge value, and Engiborg's RCD does - the more you use it, the faster you run out of power. This will give borgs more incentive to use their resources wisely - if every action they take consumes valuable power, then making inefficient actions would indirectly break their laws most of the time, as actions that unnecessarily force a borg to go to the charger means they have taken actions that endanger the crew due to their inaction during that time.
This also means that bigger power cells are worth far more than just a longer time between charges - an Engiborg with a hyper-capacity cell can repair MUCH more at a time than a default one in this system.
This also makes borgs more dangerous in malf AI rounds, which is good - They're pretty easy to disable as it is.
On a mildly related note, one can generate infinite metal and glass as a borg by placing it on a surgical operating table. I discovered this by accidentally clicking on the one in Robotics as a drone. While they were delighted, I don't think this should be abusable.
Mavor's Custodial Tips
in Guides
Posted
Also you say 'literally' way too often, including times in which the context did not imply otherwise whatsoever, which is rather annoying. It'd be one thing if you used it and meant 'figuratively', but this is just gross. My jimmenies are rustubuled.
And for the record, encouraging people to break into places while not an antagonist is generally a bad idea. They can ask an AI, borgs, or crewmember to be let in.
And because I'm a needless pedant, knowing the hack and bolt wires will not give you access to LITERALLY everywhere on the station. You cannot hack the armory windoors open with normal means.