dreadweaver Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 WARNING: this story will be full of lies. Here's the first one: everything was carefully planned and arranged. The truth is, nothing was. Nothing at all, except some basic things like my uplink, and the good ol' reliable stuff I was able to buy with it. But what AM I talking about right now? Let's start in the beginning, shall we? My name is Bulma Briefs, seventeen, female. Been working for NanoTrasen, like, six months now? Maybe more, maybe less, considering all those imperfect clonings. But whatever. I arrive on a beautiful (I don't remember which season it was - it doesn't matter in space) day, late for the shift (not like I was going to work at all) as a civilian. Protect some atmospheric technician (why...) and escape alone. Splendid. Atmos techs rarely leave their treehouse, and sometimes even take the engineering pod, which is good. By the time I go from the arrivals shuttle to the laundry room, I get called a whore three times already. Not bad! I put on a maid costume and jackboots, grab some tools, ready for another shift of pretending to be a nice person. But first, I lock myself in the toilets, and spawn myself four bars of soap, a trick multitool and some cards, then head off to the bar to socialize and preferably meet witch a friend or two I PDA the guy on my way to the bar, asking him how he's doing. No response, naturally. I figure, ehh, he is either dead somewhere or SSD, there's not much I can do... might as well laze off with my friends, then get ready for the spanking I'll be getting from the Syndicate for not accomplishing my objectives. I finally arrive at the bar, where I see Cole doing what he does usually - getting piss drunk. He's not TOO drunk, though, which means he can still help me! I drag him to the holodeck, and ask him to watch out for the atmos techie, maybe weld him into a locker in a safe place... all that counts is that he has to be safe. Of course, he gets no response either. And the next thing I know is that I'm welded into the janitor's biosuit locker by Hawke (the janitor). Welp. Getting dragged into maintenance, then the incinerator - all young girls would be terrified if something like this happened to them! But Hawke has no malicious intents, thankfully. I actually have no idea what his intents were... anyways, I give him some soap, then go look for additional targets for soap-gifting. I give one to the coroner... always a nice thing to have. Syndiesoap cleans up stuff lightning quick, and he needs that power sometimes... I give the next bar of soap to the bartender, Hannah, then go to the toilets, and order myself an emag. That was when everything went wrong. Or rather, when CERTAIN events were set in motion. Emags are nice. They open stuff. And they close stuff. And they make things VERY FUN. But sadly, I am not THAT good with it, I can't use it to make EVERYTHING fun. I needed GUIDANCE. I started falling into a trance and prepared myself to commune with the bluespace gods. What should I emag, I ask them? And they answer: go my child, and emag a comms console (another voice told me to emag a cleanbot, but we had none of those). Then message your bosses, and something fun might happen. Challenge accepted, naturally. Who wouldn't believe the bluespace gods, anyways? I hit up Cole again. Ask him for help, since I do not have insulateds, and it's much more fun when people do things for you. Gotta use that feminine charm, duh. Anyways, he steals the comms board for me. I ask him to set it up on the engie station, and he does. We meet a voxy engineer on the engie sat, who's wearing a cute Ian t-shirt. We ask her not to scream about us... and she doesn't. Just goes back to sleep... such a cute bird.... Vox are so cute when they don't try to claw your face off and they don't shriek at you with their voices that sound like screams of a thousand dying people burning in hell. Or something like that. Anyways, I emag it and... what th- communications DISRUPTED? URGHHH my plan was flawless, though! We scrap it. Fly back to the station. Build it in the toilets. AI sees us, doesn't care - he later turns out to be a traitor, too. Emag it again. And then I realize I have to log in first. With a captain-level ID. I scream a little. Shuttle gets called for whatever reason... crew transfer I think?. Cole wishes me good luck, and leaves. I get ready to commune with the bluespace gods again. They tell me to get that ID, or I failed. I concentrate... concentrate... Concentrate... Using some of my last remaining TC, in a last-ditch attempt at accomplishing what I have to, I buy a pair or pickpocket gloves. I stroll out to Central Primary. See the captain. Getting tased by a rogue borg. I grab his ID with my gloves. I run back. I send the message to the Syndicate command. They tell me: the storm is coming. Oh. My. I laugh gleefully as I leave the toilets. I see Cole lumbering in front of the tool storage. Tell him to leave while he can. Virologist wishes me good luck, and tells me the teleporter is emagged and provides a safe escape route. Sec officer catches up with me, mumbles something about IDs. I toss him both mine and the captain's, still laughing. Stroll to the library, in hopes of getting a nice book and a cup of tea, maybe? Sit down and wait for the skies to darken. Blood to flow. Same officer from before comes in and arrests me after finding my emag. Still zero fucks given. I see an unknown man coming near us, shooting the officer's face off with a LMG. Heavy, black suit. Red stripes. I laugh again. My work here is done. Or is it? They greet me as their 'Queen'. Came in to instate -me- as the new leader of the newest addition in the line of Syndicate space stations. Oh. My. I didn't have much time to laugh, because Dusk, the blueshield strolled in, tased a couple of my new men, and shot me with their own LMGs. Dangit. I am hurt, badly, but far from death. Oh well... I spend nearly half an hour in surgery. From what I catch in the few moments I somehow spend awake, my enforcers are pretty brutal. Neat. Exactly what I needed. I think to myself, maybe this surgery session isn't that bad? Spares me the need to command these brutes. I think, when I wake up, all will be MINE, and only MINE MINE MINE! I smile while they cut my chest open for the last time. Then I finally wake up, ah, my brothers and sisters, AH! The glory, the GLORY! Then it hits me. Six men came. Only three is here. Plus one dead. Not good. They tell me that a janitorial squad is coming. Oh. Janitors? Will they MOP US DEAD, the squad leader says? Anyways, I put on the dead guy's stuff, then direct my guys to the bridge. As we leave through the secondary medbay entrance, I see a guy. Blue jumpsuit. I blink once. Twice. It's the captain. I wonder for a moment, WHY IS THAT MAN STILL ALIVE?! I nod towards him, and my men let him taste the rainbow. Or the LMG. Maybe both? Then we leave. We arrive on the bridge. And then I see them. Black armor. Pulse rifles. Bald heads. Bad attitude. I won't be describing in detail what happened next. But even after I died, they spent at least two minutes hitting the corpse with energy swords and pulse rifles. And so ended the reign of Bulma the First. Ruled with a fist of iron and a heart of gold. RIP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisk132mm Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 This story has everything! Drunk engineers, bluespace gods, evil witches and it's minions, soap, Hawke, roga AI piece of junk, janitors, bald DS and a happy ending. Loved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Streaky Haddock Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 This story has everything!Drunk engineers, bluespace gods, evil witches and it's minions, soap, Hawke, roga AI piece of junk, janitors, bald DS and a happy ending. Loved it. it's missing one thing lord-king bup the great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deanthelis Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 This story has everything!Drunk engineers, bluespace gods, evil witches and it's minions, soap, Hawke, roga AI piece of junk, janitors, bald DS and a happy ending. Loved it. It's missing one thing. Me. Auhauhau. http://vocaroo.com/i/s0xU33BwbMdy I regret nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fj45 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Shame I wasn't there! Godamn Cole and his drinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkyninja Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 It would've been infinitely more funny if I was the Captain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BadApple797 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Gotta use that feminine charm, Or just your generically threatening psychopathic aura Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citinited Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I was the surgeon who fixed you up. I remember having several EMP grenades being waved at me to, uh, "entice" me into doing surgery. We then ran into maint as soon as you were fixed up to avoid certain death. Whee. Of the crew left on the shuttle, only some random dude wearing an engineering hardsuit, AREN, and myself (TRIS) escaped. IPC masterrace <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur_Dayne Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Ah, Glorious NanoTrasen. I'm surprised you were in power as long as you were. blah blah me being a narcissist you're lucky Alice wasn't there blah blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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