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Posts posted by DeletedUser
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Autumn is here! And so half of my mandate is over, but there's still so much shit to fix. Not nearly enough time, and something tells me that a siege is coming soon.
Oh yeah here it is.
A small group of zombies, if not because my military is pretty bad i'd try to fight them. Maybe i should throw the 20 human poets i have at them?
This will delay my project, which was building a PROPER entrance. It's half-finished, just a few walls need to be finished and the bridge to be placed. Also the ramps on the moat need to be removed.
Guess i'll have to shift my attention to building underground. Meanwhile i ordered bronze armor to be forged.
Oh hey what's this?
IRON! AND STEEL! PRAISE ARMOK! WHICHEVER MINER FOUND THAT VEIN IS GETTING A BARREL OF BOOZE.
And another artifact! This time mechanisms made from PURE GOLD. This is the symbol of prosperity in our fortress! It is the dawn of our golden age! Booze for everybody!
Which is promptly confirmed by the UNGODLY amounts of iron ores our miners are finding. How could the previous overseers possibly miss the biggest iron motherlode in the mountain!?
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Alright now that i got things a bit organized and fixed a broken lever we can work. First i'll design the new entrance for our glorious fortress. What now? Oh hi.
When will they learn?
Goodbye.
Meanwhile a mayor was ellected, and he's already demanding stuff. He happens to be a quite experienced warrior drafted into the military, so after a long internal debate i decide against setting up an "unfortunate accident". Guess i'll give him what he wants for once, an useful noble doesn't really happen that often.
Migrants have arrived! More hands to work is always good.
27 new mouths to feed have arrived in total, 7 of them are children, useless little brats. One miner, some woodworkers, one mason, a gem cutter, a single metalcrafter and armorsmith, and the rest are useless gits who will now become productive furnace operators and masons.
Summer has arrived! And some ghost has risen to haunt the fortress.
Apparently its some soap maker, no idea how he died, but he seems happy just hanging out at the still.
I built him a memorial slab next to the still and the ghost decided to leave.
Aaaand more migrants. Well alright lets see. Just 8 of them, and none of them are children! Huzzah! One of them is actually a blacksmith disguised as a fisher, but i got you this time, to the forge with you! This brings our population to 103 dwarves, which is more than DOUBLE than what we started this year with.
And someone made an artifact. A figurine of when someone made a fine mug, I'll put it on the fridge.
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Oh i see, there's only one brewer in the entire fortress. Let's fix that really quick, i'll just grab the bookkeeper's records and change one thi-... SWEET ARMOK.
That explains why our fortress looks like a cave. There's only ONE ENGRAVER. We have 57 citizens, what are they all doi-..
....right
Mhmm...
"Say, Nil, what's your profession?"
"Gelder"
"And what do you do as a gelder?"
"Castrate animals, that's my job. It's a very important job"
"How many animals have you castrated since you've arrived here?"
"The butcher got them all first"
"And what do you do, Tirist?"
"I make cheese"
Wait why is our only dwarf skilled in weaponsmithing a miner? And our only armourer is a weaver? We don't even have what to weave, we import all the cloth.
Wh-....
FIVE FISHERS WHY
Armok preserve us....
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IT IS TIME, BROTHERS. IT IS TIME TO RISE AGAINST THE OPRESSION AND OVERTHROW THE OVERSEER! WITH ME TO FREED-... wait what she just decided to leave? Huh...
VICTORY!!
NOW WE CAN BEGIN TO BUILD OUR FUTURE. OUR NEW STATE OF FREEDOM AS AN INDEPENDANT FORTRESS, OR SOMETHING. Let us take a stroll through our new kingdom to review the situation and decide what needs to be done.
Ah yes, the trees... priority number one will be getting rid of this great menace to our safety. You can never trust these shady bastards.
Our previous rulers never believed in the success of this fortress in the first place, proof of it being the PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A GATE THEY CALL THE ENTRANCE. Doesn't seem too bad, you say? That's because this is an IMPROVEMENT of what we had at first.
These are our fortress "defenses".... our only trapmaker does pretty much nothing all day and is so bored that has begun to place traps in random spots in the hallways of the fortress.
Well while we are here, let's take a closer look at the bedrooms. Namely why have they been started but NEVER FINISHED
I mean okay i dont really mind sleeping in a rough-hewn room BUT WHY IS THERE NO FURNITURE? I vividly remember our carpenter (Armok forgive him for shaping the flesh of the devils in his craft) making a lot of beds. WHERE THE HELL ARE TH-...
..... someone bring me an elf to strangle. WHAT ARE OUR BEDS DOING ROTTING IN THE MUD WHILE WE ARE FORCED TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR? Yet another proof of our previous overseers being lazy ruffians!
Need more proof? I present to you the single most glorious hall in our proud fortress! The dining hall!
A fantastic example of breath-taking architecture! Every inch of the walls and floors are covered in beautiful engravings depicting the history and culture of our fortress. We really love eating on the beautifully engraved floor while the nobles sit by the only 9 tables in the room. Moving on.
If you built a fortress on a literal motherlode of gold, with some veins of copper, silver and tin there and there, what would you focus your efforts on? The gold? Well that's not the logic of our previous overseers, as seen by the HUNDREDS OF GOLD NUGGETS LITTERING THE FLOOR, not touched since when the miners originally mined them, RIGHT NEXT TO THE SMELTER AND EVEN ON THE STOCKPILE WITH OUR METAL INGOTS. Dwarves and gold, pffff, ridiculous, right?
At the very least we have more than enough elf-humping-pillows to fuel our furnaces, that's always good. Just make sure someone always keeps an eye on that wood, who knows when it could strike.
The underground mining tunnels are a maze of claustrophobia-inducing madness, which is not too unusual so whatever and what's this BY ARMOK'S LEFT NOSTRIL, ITS BEAUTIFUL.
DELICIOUS MAGMA! GLORIOUS SIGHT! We shall built our industry on the blood of the mountain itself! Bring me a mug of ale to celebrate our revolution! What? What do you mean there's barely any booze?
FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID, TOP PRIORITY MAKE THE BOOZE FLOW!
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Guys, why u want to terminate so nyan xeno, THERE ARE AMAZING
You wouldnt fuck a space frog.
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Just what have you fuckers been doing while i was gone...
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Did we kill all the IPCs yet¿
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What every thread needs sooner or later.
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And hence Churchy loses her adminship in this thread and now counts as a player for counting, because thou hath failed.
You will recover your status once the counting reaches 49.
I command it now as oldmin before i get fired for inactivity.
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I didn't need one either, but how is that an excuse for anything?
I found roller drums and welded them on the front, no pics because I don't have the game with me now.
It almost halved the safe speed, no regrets, because NOTHING CAN STOP ME NAO.
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I improved the last design a bit
I tested it on your house, the test proved satisfactory.
And yes the tank cannon work. All three of them.
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Going to the kitchen at night in Zeke's place is a scary time.
[snip feral slime abomination]
CAN CONFIRM
CURSED XENOS
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Oi, if you see a guy here with a animu-thing avatar spamming tildes (like --> ~ <-- this), toss it out of the airlock. Trust me.
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356 green zeds have been harmed during the writing of this post.
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YOU'Z GOT B&.
RAISIN: Writin' bad ban raisins. GIT GUD YAGIT
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I will fucking end you. /10
Also, he does need medical help, yes. But while the enemies of the Imperium still draw breath he shall not rest. Only after the battle was over he permitted himself the luxury of passing out.
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[snip]
Mech squad came out and basically took over escape, not sure on the story but posibrains were everywhere.
[snip]
Do you even mech, scrub?
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7/10 That robot reminds me of StarCraft.
Excuse me you fucking WHAT.
DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF FUCKING SRARCRAFT TOO?
Oh right, Kei uhhh... 4 too many pokemon. 6/10
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YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED.
Reason: I haven't given you leave to die, you coward, ON YOUR FEET!
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Also about the gif in your signature, the best part is cut out, not sure if you noticed. I recommend fixing it ASAP. Bonus points if you make the blood look like actual blood and not pink nail polish.
I know about it only because Nomzy used to spam shite like that to no end.
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HA, well played, I actually suspected it but didn't want to think much about it.
Enjoy your retirement, I envy you. (they made me be senior again goddamn)
o7
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Are you Nomzy under (another coughOshacough) alt account?
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Do the timers on grenades pause if you put them inside Pneumonic Cannons?
I know the answer to that, but I will let you figure it out yourself, because that's the !!FUN!! part. :^ )
Do it with a napalm grenade in the middle of the bar and I will personally ban you you turbo tilde-spamming puny grot.
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Bustbodice - Paradise Succession Game
in Public Archives
Posted
Winter is upon me! And with it i realize i dont have time to do everything i wanted to do. I haven't even touched the magma lake yet! It's deep underground, so i can't simply place some forges down there and tell the dwarves to get smeltin'. They would spend more time running up and down than smelting, hauling heavy ores and going up whenever they got hungry, thirsty or sleepy. That's not the way to go, i'll have to build rooms for them down there and a small dining hall.
Some people didn't get the memo about a zombie invasion going on, and they keep popping up.
The zombies have been distracted chasing them around the map for months now, pretty fun.
Meanwhile some inspired miner created this. Im not sure why he drew a bronze colossus stomping some guy's ass, i guess the dwarf found it hilarious.
Oh and the bedrooms are almost ready! Just needs some furnishing aaaand... expanding, the migration waves brought quite a lot of people.
And down below, we begin to harvest the fiery blood of the mountain to fuel our forges. Setting up a proper production chain so deep underground will take a while, but it's definitely worth it. But the next overseer will have to take care of that.
And just as the last month of the year begins, this thing shows up
I'm not even sure if it can find the access point to the fortress in the caves, but just in case i will raise the bridge.... assuming there are no gaps somewhere else anyways. It can fly, so it would be able to reach any exposed stairways dug out by previous uncaring overseers. Such as these
Well apparently it went to wrestle come cave crundles, i suppose its not that interested in the whole destroying dwarven fortresses bussiness.
Meanwhile i got distracted and forgot to keep the smelters refining coal, so now we have to run on charcoal until they pick up again. Or the next overseer can decide to speed up the construction of the magma smelters that are already designated by the magma lake, they just need to be built.
And spring arrives again, and the beginning of the 5th year in the history of our fortress.