Recommended Posts

 

Admins are asleep, post your best *bwoink* stories that didn't end in a ban.

 

My story begins in the middle of a shift, when I'm HoSing as S.P.E.Z.Z. . I'm approached by a Vox saying he needs to talk to me and he's scared. I'm thinking he's either a traitor or a traitor that wants to kill me, so I'm okay with that.

 

We go into my office and he explains the situation - he's supposed to maul the botanist or some weird Vox ship somwhere out there is going to blow up because of the Syndicate. He doesn't want to do it, but the ship is kinda cool, so maybe we can help him somehow. Since the round is kinda boring at that point, I decide to take it up with Cap. The Cap, being another IPC does the right thing and decides to frame the botanist to make the whole process seem somewhat smoother than just cutting a crewmember's limbs off in a hallway. At this point I leave the Cap to do the dark bidding while I get back to patrolling and waiting for his call about the case.

 

After a few minutes I get a message on my PDA saying that there's a weird body in library maintain that I should check out. I beep. I get the D's forensic scanner (he was SSD) and go investigate. When I find the mangled corpse I see a massive amount of blood sprayed everywhere. The poor soul is some geneticist that was cloned thirty minutes ago, but nobody needs to know that. The only traces I find on the crime scene are two types of blood. I run a quick check and find them to be exactly what I expected - the geneticist and the botanist. I quickly order the botanist's arrest (at this point nobody in the sec forces knows anything about the framing) and get him into the brig. For some reason the guy has his shoes covered in blood and I have the only forensic scanner left, so I quickly scan those and proclaim the DNA matches (it doesn't) and quickly sentence the guy to perma for murder. Now, I don't want to be a dick, so I quickly call the Cap to talk to the guy so he doesn't SSD, as that would be cruel.

 

It is at this point that I get the first *boink* asking for the reason for the botanist's sentence. I quickly explain the whole framing thing (which may have been a bad idea) and tell about the blood traces. After that I get reprimanded and told I should not pick the job of HoS if I want to frame people, because that's vile. I am also told to release the poor guy at once, as holding him there is even more vile.

 

As I'm talking to the gods the Cap is striking a deal with the botanist offering him participation in an experiment in exchange for freedom, while the Vox guy prepares some monkey limbs for transplantation.

 

At this point things get kinda blurry, as I'm called to help out around the station and can't really do much, so I don't know how the story ended, but after talking to all the people in security and the captain, I found out they've all been bwoinked that round, so it was a good round.

 

The Vox didn't get greentext, he exploded.

 

P S don't jobban me pls.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Crap, sooo... do I get banned now?

 

psst dude make a run for it

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

After testing out my fakedeath pill as antag.

aTvTEPo.png

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

After testing out my fakedeath pill as antag.

aTvTEPo.png

 

One of those instances where the admin responding to ahelp with just the word "legit" would be revealing too much...

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

After testing out my fakedeath pill as antag.

aTvTEPo.png

 

One of those instances where the admin responding to ahelp with just the word "legit" would be revealing too much...

 

Security then proceeded to arrest my "corpse".

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Security then proceeded to arrest my "corpse".

 

Can't let the tax money go to waste, now can we? Or they could of just been fans of the walking dead and wanted to protect the station with their fullest of pure intentions.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Once some crewmember requested me as the AI to sing a song on common, and so I dutifully began to sign to soviet anthem until I got bwoinked

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Let's see, it was mid-round or something close, I spawn in as a Cortical Borer and dive into the vents to look for a host, I find a clown in the HoP office (also given a promotion to HoP, for some reason) and so I go possess him as the AI spots me on the floor and bolts the doors closed.

 

I make some more borers and think about taking a trip down disposals to get out of the office when the clown does it himself, yelling to Security over the radio about the worm in his brain. We end up in the delivery office when a Sec officer shows up and tells me, the worm, to give myself up, so I take control of the clown and chat for a moment before flicking the conveyor belt lever and lying down to get to Disposals proper.

 

We land in a massive pile of trash as the clown begs me for mercy, so I exit the clown and Hide under the garbage, then the Sec officer shows up and; thinking I'm still in control, orders me to release the clown or he'd flip the lever there and space us both (because he hasn't got any handcuffs on him), so the clown begs us both for mercy while trying to reason with us, I just sit there in the garbage doing nothing for a long while when the officer finally flips the switch and stuns the clown as he's being slowly brought to the mass driver by the conveyor belt.

 

After all that I decide to take my chance before the mess of garbage vanishes and (successfully) try make it to the vent. Then I get bwoinked and told to not pointlessly kill people or something, (the ahelp was likely from both the clown and the officer, and the ahelpers accused the other of rulebreaking while I'm caught in the middle,) I forget. Anyway; I explain what I've done and then hear nothing more from the admin after. The officer then apologizes to the clown and helps him out after noticing that I went through the vent. After all that I kind of went SSD so I could do something else. Most fun I'd had in ages though.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's some next level cortical borer mindgames.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites