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The tragic tale of a Geneticist and a Rock that wanted to ignite himself on a whim.


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My name is Rhys Dallows. Starting as a simple Janitor, I moved my way up to Botany, then Genetics. Be warned all who wish to pursue a career where I am now; she is a sadistic temptress. She'll inflate your ego, believe you are God, decide who shall be ascended and who shall be lowly mortals on a whim, only to take your newfound hubris and crush you with it. Such as what will happen in this cautionary tale. 

Having put two monkeys through Hell and mapping the entire genome of defects and powers alike, I decided to show off the abilities I chose for myself during my lunch break. "Watch this," I said to onlookers in the hallway, before igniting myself on fire. They gasped, one woman screamed for a fire extinguisher, only to be dazzled by my coming out unscathed - thanks to my Heat Resistance. Many were amazed, some were amused, some even chastised me for provoking such panic. But one reaction immediately grabbed my attention. 

A hulking monolith of rock ran right up to me, sheer childlike wonder in his eyes. "CAN YOU IGNITE ME?" he gleefully asked. The catalyst for my own tale of Icarus. "Sure," I replied, ignorant, cocky. After all, manipulation of the genome had become as tedious and simple as... well, checking boxes, at this point. Of course I could make this rock a firey God. A simple trip to Genetics and an injection, and he would be giggling up and down the hallways, a literal trail blazer. 

Or so I thought. 

I let him into my lab, the smell of radioactive monkey skeletons not at all phasing either of us. He was too excited, and I was too used to it. I isolated the block with Thermal Combustion and put it into the syringe, with neither the respect nor the grace that this artistry demanded, and injected it into him. Surely, I would see a rock burst into flames, then thank me, O Mighty Master of the Genome, for allowing him such a gift, and be on his merry way. 

"IT DOESN'T WORK," 

My heart did not yet sink, for I could not be faulted, surely! I scoffed, with only a small hint of nervousness, to myself. Surely he had done something wrong, I thought, how much brain power could a rock have? I double checked the list - yes, this block gives Thermal Combustion. "Did you do it right?" I asked, re-instructing him how to use the abilities I had gifted him. Now, I thought, he would realise his mistake, whatever it was, and do it correctly. 

"NO, DOESN'T WORK," 

I felt dizzy, and I ended up leaning against my desk, the alternative was to collapse in my chair! This could not be! I was correct, my taming of the genome was correct! This rock was supposed to ignite himself! Both he and I were becoming increasingly destressed over the road block encountered. Could his DNA really be incompatible...? Was there nothing I could do? No, surely not. An idea formed, a desperate attempt to make him compatible. 

I humanised a fresh monkey and prepared the gene for Polymoprh. I warned him that this was irreversible, that he would no longer be the rock man I admit I had grown accustomed to.

"I DON'T CARE. LET'S DO IT," 

His desperation was paramount. And at that point, I didn't care either. For my own pride, this had to work. I injected him with Polymorph and instructed him to target the monkey. 

"I CAN'T. IT DOESN'T WORK," 

Ok, no problem. I would simply have to shove him in the chamber and scan his structure, block by block, until- 

And then it came. The announcement that the shuttle was on its way. 

I felt sick to my stomach. I was good, but not good enough to change this man in 5 measly minutes. I had failed. This man had given me a task I deemed so simple, and I had failed him.

We both sadly trundled to Departures, and sat, waiting. I tried to rationalise with myself, with him, as we waited. "For what it's worth, I really did try to help you," I mumbled. "But I guess, the technology isn't there yet," It was an excuse, and I knew it. I had grown too complacent in my job, and now it cost me. And then, something happened. We embraced. And he said the first, and only thing that he hadn't excitedly yelled at me since I had flagrantly shown off my undeserved powers in that hallway:

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Edited by FoxOneOneFive
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