Boxy

Redacted

[Warning some aspects of the story may be exaggerated or completely untrue for the favor of the narrative, but it is all based on a true story] [Warning this story contains mentions of brutal violence, gore and suicide read at your own digression] An other night at the library, the second place i can find peace and solitary nothing better then a cup of cheap coffee donuts and a good noir book to start a shift. I really need to escape my office more ive been getting cooked up with writing detailed reports, no baton or revolver on me we are still on green yet at this point i know things can go wrong fast but i trust i could handle anything thrown my way in the way any true hardboiled seasoned detective would, my own two fists. I am running low of noir books to read, hell i might be the only one writing them them, its an ancient genre that originated in earth about rough worn down and grizzled detectives doing what needs to be done in a morally ambiguous setting not many detectives in this station are worth their pipes, only few are hardboiled enough wile also being able to write a decent report worth reading. With this great power comes to us the unending responsibility of writing noir books, its a tough and unrewarding job but some one has to do it, and the name of that some one is detective sleuth. Satisfied at having a full internal monologue with out being suddenly and rudely interrupted for the first time i tuned my attention more to the radio, only to hear a cry for help from the nervous bartender pleading for answers, answers that only a hardboiled detective could give. and then heard it was about punpun, PUN PUN the monkey that always made our day after a hard shift, the most veteran and best bartender in the station he would slide donuts on his tail to every cop on the station. He would always make the best puns and wear that adorable little suit he was the best man to my weddings for Christ sake. I drop my coffee and book and leave the donuts at the table, no time to warp up this was already personal, I rushed to the bar with firey determination in my eyes. The bartender had black tears on his face his makeup could not take away the tears or conceal his sadness. I reach for my pocket and start recording the conversation. Bartender: " He took him, he took pun pun " *Sobbing* " Pun pun is gone " Sleuth: " I am here to find and save pun pun no matter the cost it takes, right now i need you to concentrate and tell me what you saw who is he?" Bartender: "m-m-mime took pun pun," "pu-n-n punn was just out to serve drinks until the mime rushed in grabed him and run away," "Oh god i heard him screaming after, screeching with his tiny little monkey voice." "Why would anyone harm him he is a monkey" Sleuth: Bartender, relax i am as shock about this as you are. I will find pun pun and bring him back to you. The bartender gave me a hug i did not reciprocate, its not that he wasn't a handsome man or not my type a hardboiled detective is meant to comfort any nervous broad faster then a porcelain fancy santa decoration. , its just all in my mind at that moment was the well being of pun pun time could be running out like a ticking clock of a time bob. With no hesitation i power walked to mimes office with an angry expression on my face. Nothing and i mean nothing could have prepare me for what i was about to see, nothing and i mean nothing in my time as detective has even come close to the gore i was about to witness, no cultist no blob monstrosity no nukie has ever brought something so repulsively vile and gruesome to my eyes as this. There punpun stood splayed out as a blood eagle, his guts and organs hanging out of his body, his rib cage reversed to form twisted wings of flesh his legs sown together and his head missing. I was shook, tears in my eyes and vomit in the back of my throat. I was sickened to my stomach and a hurt to my soul, how could mime have done mime always seemed like a nice quite lad how could it have been him. Yet an other friend claimed by the insatiable beast that was this station. How many do i have left? and how long. I entered mimes office, i had an investigation to do despite the gore, not for my sake but the the sake of justice for the sake of pun pun. i scanned the office up and down, from pun puns clothes to to the doors, wile the mime was the main suspect i could not leave the possibility of some one else having done this or bare to live with my self after i enact punpuns retribution to some one who had not done the crime. As i had theorized, the mime only had fibers of his gloves in the front door, on the other hand the clown had his cheese smeared hands on punpun's clothes and the back maintenance door. I had in my hands the possibility of a frameing on top of the murder of pun pun. outside the office a civilian gestured to me for a talk about what happened. i walked up to them and started my recorder. Sleuth: "Do you know what happened here? did you see who did it?" Civilian: "i saw a clown was wearing a mimes uniform he was holding punpun by the arm wile braking into mimes office, then i ran to report to security, now i am back and oh god its a mess its gruesome" "eughh e--EUGH" *the civilian pukes* Sleuth: *I nearly avoid the puke getting to my fancy leather trench coat* " I coldly ask how did you know it was the clown?" Civilian: *Takes a moment to regain their bearings* " i heard him speak in a way only a clown would, aww man my head hurts now, i think ill go home sorry for not being able to tell you more" Sleuth: *nods I had prints and a witness testimony, but i want to make a hundred percent sure it was the clown and not the mime as the bartender said. The hell i was about to unleash to who ever i caught for this. There are no second chances just one. I walked to clowns office, a small box layed on his chair. Inside the box layed a bloody hatchet a hatched covered in the blood of pun pun and the prints of the clown. The verdict was reached, i wouldn't even write a report my evidence was concrete. I was out but not to make an arrest, detectives can't arrest people contrary to popular belief. No this would not be an arrest, this would be a lynching i would see to that personally. I left the office and started walking back to mine to retrieve my trusty revolver and baton, until a saw him, outside the bridge hallway, Laughing , Making jokes. the primordial anger of a hundred tiders erupting inside me my bear hands felt like full toolboxes, I lunged at the clown and start punching him in the mouth until he fell like freshly cut timber. I slapped cuffs on his hands and started dragging him on the ground to processing my eyes filled with rage and sorrow. his blood leaving a wet crimson trail to security. Into processing he sat in front of me and two officers, Pun pun was a friend of the whole department. he was there every morning with donuts and milk after every long security nightshift. He was always there. Oh why pun pun why did they take you. WHY ALWAYS THE GOOD ONES. We gave the clown a trial. If you could doge our batons wile tied down and cuffed that would prove the gods wouldn't want him harmed. Chazz had the first hit, a loud "thonk" followed by an electric crackle and a crack. The clown spit a tooth out and insisted he did not do it. The pod pilot was next, a strong punch on the clowns bright red nose, now redder with crimson blood. i was last with my extendable baton connecting to the clowns kneecap. The clown screamed in agony. The trial had commenced and he was guilty. The punishment would be exile to space, the pod pillot grabbed him as i and chazz cheered him on. the pod pilot shoved the clown cuffed in the pod drove it outside to space and and threw the clown out as me and chazz clapped joked and cheered. until we were suddenly interrupted by the NT representative of all people, furious and screaming about our little space walk with clown. screaming that we can't execute people for damage of property. Pun pun is not just property, pun pun is family. Screaming about how he will have our asses in a platter and our jobs for NT were over, how our lives were over. The pilot brought the clown back in, we all stared at each other knowing how fucked we were once this got mailed to central. We were esentially turned into civilians waiting to be sent to perma, Chief brandy thanked us for our service and told us we were doing gods work for taking the dive as we were handing in our weapons and badges, pun pun was close to her as any red colored cop in the station. But she had no choice but to fire us. Our future looking bleak chazz was waiting in the lobby for magistrate to write and mail the report. I on the other hand in the restrooms, a russian revolver on my right hand a bag of candy corn in my left, the things i have seen in this station, the things ive done for this station, the friends i lost in this station, my career as a detective, but most importantly pun pun all lost in a day all that i had to live for all gone in the same day. I would end up in an NT labor camp and never work as a detective again. I chugged down the whole bag of precious candy corn in one sitting, I took the pushed the guns safety back with a loud click. i cocked the hammer of the revolver, just one pull and all my problems would be no more. My hand trembled trying to squeeze the trigger until on the radio i heard the NT Rep speak. NT rep: " Help The MUUUGHM" NT rep: "Clown is taking me to Mghmm" Nt rep: "Disposals" I quickly jumped out of bathroom stall, this was right in my way. Maybe i could get my revenge after all before i die. On a high sugar rush from the candy corn i rushed disposals the Russian revolver still on my right hand. as i entered i saw the clown with a healing parasite behind him near the lever, the NT rep tied down on a conveyor belt duct tape on his mouth right on the disposals machine. as i walked in i slipped on the banana and dropped my Russian revolver. The clown honked and pulled the lever. NT rep and everything on him was gone for good. With a smug grin the clown approached me and took the Russian revolver. Clown: "Detective now that you have seen your friends death there is only one loose end, prepare to meet pun pun detective." The clown pulled the trigger, the parasite vanishes to thin air, the clown stands with a confused expression on his face and a bullet hole on his head as i get up. Sleuth: "Looks like your plan backfired, i would say you were going to meet pun pun to beat you for all eternity but you are going to hell" I use one finger to press the button on my shades to release a loud YEAAAAAAAAAAH! and the other to push the dying clown down. The door behind me opens, and i hear the voice of brandy telling me i have some explaining to do. A walk to her office and a crazy story later me chazz and the pilot would be re-hired, brandy explained: after all there was no evidence that we took the clown for a space ride before he was a confirmed eoc, and he was an uncontainable eoc who committed suicide. Its not like central would know as no one in security would snitch and they had my back, all evidence of what happened ware on NT rep and she was now a pile of deformed organic goo, yet an other poor casualty of the mad clown that i all alone stopped. I was given a medal, two bags of candy corn, my job back and the rest of the day off. But i would never be given back pun pun lost for ever in pain and suffering, i am back where i began but no with no one to cheer me up after a long shift. I still wonder if i should have pulled the trigger back in that toilet, would i have the land of unending candy corn and broads? Guess its not my time yet. (This book was written as a tribute to pun pun, rest in peace)

[Warning some aspects of the story may be exaggerated or completely untrue for the favor of the narrative, but it is all based on a true story] My office? dingy smelling of cheap pest spray dirty and the lights keep flickering like the office of any detective worth his salt. On my desk the usual: A deck of cards, Donuts, Coffee and my trusty 38. Yep this was yet an other night shift had begun in the station that never sleeps. If only i listened to my chief instructor and got that fancy position at a TSF diplomatic station, but no i wanted adventures, i wanted thrills and signed up with NT to join a backwater research station in the cross-section of fuck all nowhere, the syndicates sphere of influence, and the hub of weird space. A fuck tone of things happening at all times but i get no money, no sleep and no friends. If that ain't enough of the little people that are not complete Psychos on this station and i can be friends they all end up dead. But you see i had to give it all for the prospects of endless adventure. *Biiing* My inside monologue interrupted all suddenly by a ring on the door, could that be a new case for me? The door opens automatically, and i am greeted by a warm thick russian accent. "Detective i have a case for you" It was this shifts head of security a tall muscular blue eyed and bald Russian human with a face so hard that it could kill a bear, yet elegant and well put together. A man feared all around the station yet a man misunderstood, The truth behind that tough exterior was a gentle caring soul, a soul that cares for its subordinates, a soul meant to lead with nothing more but persuasion alone. I simply responded " And what could that be chief?" Chief informed told me to keep near medbay, because he had a bad hunch today one of the new MD's did not seem right to him, not the one to question his instinct i complied, grabbing my hat and scarf off the cloths hanger and leaving my 38 on the table and locking down, It was green after all. I arrive at the bar, the best way to keep my eyes around medbay was by being near it but not being obvious, or at least that would be my excuse to relax on the job. I ordered my usual favorite, a mug half chocolate half cream and topped with candy corn stirred not shaken punpun know exactly how to make it, its the only little joy that i get these days, a man must have his vices. I take my drink leave punpun a handsome tip and sit to the thin table in the left corner of the bar, my newspaper there waiting for me. I start reading it intently all the wile taking slow sips of my drink. Apparently one Mr.Changs corporation stations was busted by some small planet government for major trafficking of illegal substances, shame to changs food was my favorite as a kid, its the the food of the true dyson sphere resident, its quick its cheap and you can eat it wile walking from point a to b. Suddenly a figure sits down on the chair opposed to mine, i lower my newspaper slightly and take a look, Its a vulpakin lady with thick black fur, brown eyes and a fluffy tail in some sort of anime inspired witch costume. with a slight smirk she begins to speak. "Hello detective." "Hello, how can i help you?" " I am reporter <Name Redacted>, we have worked together before when i was writing an article on the minds of criminals and i was thinking if in this shift i could come with you and work as your assistant ive really been interested in criminology since our last meeting. -I raise my newspaper back up dismissively and say- "Forget it toots its too dangerous, besides its against sop and no detective would take someone with no degree or training to a related to the field as an apprentice in any serious stations" I hear the ever so familiar sound of money being layed on the table, i knew it even if my newspaper was obscuring the view. "Detective, i am quite keen on this and some green can change your mind both of us know you need it, Besides both of us know this is not a serious station detective." Even with out seeing her i knew her mischievous smirk intensified after laying it on the poor detective. I sighed and lowered my newspaper to take a look at how big the stack of money was. "Look toots you know i need the money, i just can't say no to your offer when you put it like that but on one condition you get rid of that ridiculous dress and put something accordingly for a detective." How bad could this be i am lonely and broke i will have some probably sane company for a shift wile i also fill my pocket. She gives a nod and smiles, I gulp down the rest of my drink put the stack of money in my pocket and we head back to my office. We walk in and i open my closet of fancy detective clothes tell the lady to suit her self and return to my office chair, looking away as she is eagerly changing attire but i can't help but catch a short glimpse. Dawning a fancy shirt, formal pants, one of my leather coats and a brown fedora she is ready and excited as all hell. Right after she gets dressed i get a call on the radio to investigate blood in medmaints, I and my new assistant head out for the crime scene. Once we are there i begin to examine for blood and prints wile she is taking pictures and writing notes right behind me, I consistently find the prints of some dick, specifically a civilian going by the name Flick Dick. Me and my assistant are talking theories and taking notes until we hear the sound of commotion within the medbay. We charge in there and we catch a glimpse of Flick Dick behind a window with a double-e-sword butchering some poor man. I yell "STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW" and Flick Dick runs away in an inhumane speed. Well our job was done here, we had the name of the criminal we just had to set them to arrest and write a report. And security would handle it. So we went back to my office and did exactly that. Then we started playing blackjack wile talking about the work of a detective to pass the time wile waiting for our next lead. In the radio we hear the ai calling for all officers to raid cargo wile also notifying of flick dick being in surgery room two, And the RD yelling about sings of brake in on the gas storage room. Knowing we were strained right then i grabbed my 38 from my desk and handed my assistant my evidence scanner telling her to investigate the gas storage brake in wile i would go to grab Flick Dick, she gave my a concerned look and nodded and started running to medbay. Ai opened all doors as i arrived quickly and i am in the surgery room under the impression my suspect is sleeping and try to cuff him, He gets up and stuns me with a home made cattle prod, then quickly goes for my cuffs and attempts to cuff me, I take a step back and start fireing two bullets hit, then the operating doctor steps in trips me and quickly takes him out back, After i get back on my feet with my revolver in hand i run to the other side and begin chasing the blood trail he left as his surgery was not done and my bullets couldn't have been much help to his bleeding either. I chase him to maints and start firing shots at his hiding spot, but then suddenly he makes his holoparasite appear and i am bombarded by a stream of green shards and have to withdraw and go get treated in medical. One the doctor tells me i am patched up i hear two calls on the radio, The head of security is being murdered at the dorms by escaped prisoners, but my assistant is being kidnaped by Flick Dick in arrivals wile he was taunting me over the radio and telling me he would kill her if i did not come. With hesitation and sweat at this point i had to grit my teeth and choose between my assistant and the future of the station, the station would not survive with out hos and i could hope to my heart of hearts that an officer would respond to my assistants call besides i am sure going to flick dick would be a trap for me. I rush quickly to the dorms and spot hos being beaten in the pool, i fire my revolver at the savages until the start running away, don't bring an e-dagger to a gun fight, quickly retrieved the chief and take him to medbay. Then i bolted for disposals with the weight of the world on my shoulder and a pounding in my heart, once i arrived i realized it was too late, The body of my assistant beheaded and with the brain missing, It wouldn't take a detective to tell the brain was probably grinded to a pulp in the recycling machine but i wanted to believe, i wanted to hope. Such a waste, and it was all on me, I shouldn't have taken that bribe and let a reporter play the role of a detective, what was i thinking? besides everyone that gets close to me seems to have a bad end with my fucking record. Why do i always have to be lonely can't this station just let me have a friend that doesn't die? With a reverse grim in my face i started slowly walking to cargo, i knew what had to be done, there is no better motivation other then revenge, wile i did not know <NameRedacted> too well i was sick and tired of losing potential friends. I had to defend my family name and take full life consequences. No matter what happened i had to take that Dick flicker down if it was the last thing i did. At cargo i modify my 38 to 307 and grab 3 speed loaders of rounds. Next time i would be ready. I go to the bar to skulk about my shitty life and get my second or even third Creamy Chocolate with candy corn. My diet or my wallet were no longer a concern i just wanted to num the pain away. I am on my 5th bottle until on the radio i hear the words i was waiting, "FLICK DICK AT Engineering hallway" I drop my drink and pull my gun, it was time to face the villain and save the station from this threat because i don't know how to deal with my feelings and dumb heroism is the only way i know to deal with my reality. I walk confidently down the hallway until i meet eyes with Flick Dick. I shouted "FLICK DICK YOU CAN FUCK ME BUT WHEN YOU FUCK MY ASSISTANT ILL FUCK YOU WITH NO ROOM FOR DIPLOMACY" He responded "So be it sleuth you saw what i did to your assistant and your colleges we will be seeing who will be fuck who" But before he finished his sentence i had put two bullets in him. His holoparasite comes out and fires a hale of shards at me, i doge and get an other shot, He pulls out a grenade and primes it ready to throw at me, I take an other shot and its my lucky brake he falls down. The hale of shards is starting to hit me but i don't back down i fire two more shots and one of them hits the holoparasite wile the other misses. The grenade explodes causing a small breach and setting him and the surrounding area on fire. With no hesitation or doubts i walk into the fire to get closer wile also getting hit by shards taking an other shot it hits. My body is on fire but on my mind is only two things, How cool i look doing this and the death of my friend. I reload my gun, by that time there are reinforcements from all sides also shooting Flick Dick with lasers. i take two more steps throw the fire and shard hale and fire two more shoots directly at his head. The holoparasite disappears, i fire ony more shot at his head and go for more but my revolver explodes in my hand and i fall down. This is it i did it i saved the station the storm has raged and its over, My emotional pain almost helps to dull the pain of being on fire and impaled with a fucktone of shards. I want to rest, i fall down and the world around begins to spin and slowly fade. I wake up outside a cryo-revival tube in the hospital, my boss is the first thing i see. "Did we find it hos? her brain? my assistants brain, tell me Flick Dick had it on him." "Sleuth..." "Tell that she is not permanently dead hos." "Sleuth.." "Tell me hos please tell me she is alright" "Sleuth, thank you for your sacrifice..., and thank you for your service to the station and me...," "Oh god i was right that sick bastard grinded her brain to a smoothie" "Look Sleuth, i sincerely Thank you, it must have been having to choose the way you did, i am sorry for what you had to go through." "I should have chosen the diplomacy TSF satellite but i wouldn't listen chief, i wouldn't listen" "Sleuth, you can have the rest of the shift off. You went through a lot, Here is my number, when we get back to central give me a call if you need a friend or maybe even more then that. Thank you again for service sleuth and thank you for saving me." The chief left wile i layed down on the floor for a bit to regain my bearings and get back up. After i did that i went straight to the bar, but even so there was not enough candy corn in the bar to deal with my trauma. There ain't enough candy cane in the world to deal with my trauma.

Ive recently been getting a lot of karma as sleuth. although i now try to role-play a lot a thing i didn't do much. i am not sure but i think i got around 9 karma just last week.

[Warning some aspects of the story may be exaggerated or completely untrue for the favor of the narrative, but it is all based on a true story] It was cold rainy night, space thunder outside and comets enveloping the sky, The station was on night lighting and its good residents were sleeping at the dorms, yet the night life of the station was out and about, vibrant as the lavalands under it. I was at my office overworked, tired writing a report wile the sounds of jazz were nurturing my ears, seemed like i would have a quite night and maybe even sleep a little, CC would never know. As i was about to close my eyes i hear a loud beep and thump, it was the chief the head of security with furious expression on her eyes and the fire of a thousand suns burning inside her. I quickly jump back to an alert position hoping to leave no indication that i was about to sleep on the job again, the chief was screaming in anger but all she said were a blur to me, i know that face all to well the face of a woman personally insulted and humiliated on her job, this was not just a crime for her it was challenge of authority, i said "Toots, calm down a bit and tell me what happened in a slow and understandable way." A glint of annoyance sparked in her eye but i knew she would dismiss my stereotypical noir film mannerisms for the sake for our friendship and work together. She collected her breath and spoke, "Detective, there has been a brake in in my office both doors opened via a cryptographic sequencer and even worse my locker is open and my favorite gun missing." I then knew why it was so personal to her, Chief really loved her gun she felt like a detective with out a revolver, Naked, Afraid and Humiliated. Her anger was only justified and for the sake of the station and my friendship with chief i knew i had to solve that case. I quickly retrieved my hands from my desk and light my smoking pipe and with a cold tone of voice i said " I am on it chief". I started walking slowly and calmly through the brig a place all so familiar but now struck with an air of villainy until i reached chiefs office. Upon inspecting the doors i knew my assumption were right, a cryptographic sequencer could have been the only thing that did this. I raised my camera and snapped a picture of my crime scene in its unaltered state and then started processing. Something was not right a soo familiar smell in a soo uncanny way, a smell of nectar filled the air and the fibers of a bee suit and black gloves were all over my crime scene. If my time as a detective has taught me anything that is never trust a man in a bee costume, especially if traces of it are found in a high security area. I had no prints but i had layed my hands to the sticky nectar that is truth and then i screamed in my radio " If you see a person in a bee suit arrest them." Feeling that most of my work is done and that is that i returned to my office to write a full report on our bee burglar and listened to jazz music with one question on my mind for when we bring them in. Do you like jazz? because that is the only music you will ever hear on your cell. A slight smirk springing across my face wile writing the report and coming up with that line. Suddenly my train of thought is interrupted by the voice of none other then the pod pilot my childhood friend screaming on the radio, "Sleuth the bee man, The b-e-e man has g-o-t me help he is ho-ldi-ng voxy captives at botany, voxy can't t-ake many mo-re st-in-gs" Now that bee burglar had done it he made a detective angry enough to drop their duties ignore their job description + training and go bee the firm steel hand of the law. This was no longer a suspect it was a friend kidnaper. I promptly retrieved my trusty revolver from my drawer and a 38 speed loader and started to rush my way to botany to do what had to be done by me, To put end to villainy. To reclaim chiefs honor and most importantly to recover my dear avian friend. I stride to botany confidently my hand in my jacket ready to pull out a revolver the station time about to hit 12, Jazz music no longer playing in my mind but instead a western tune. Either me or the Bee burglar would meet our maker that day that was for sure. I was about to meet my destiny and honor my family name and title as a problem sleuth. I arrive to botany to see the bee burglar surrounded by all kinds of bees and my friend cuffed to a chair broken, defeated and swollen by all the bee stings. I shouted to the Bee burglar " ALRIGHT BE FUCKER, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SURRENDER WITH ALL YOUR BEES OR THIS WILL BEE YOUR LAST DAY OF HONEY" The bee burglar shouted back " Hahaha Sleuth we meet again you don't remember me but i do, last time you came in here and killed my bees for an investigation on a crime i did not even commit. But not again, this is my hive and your friend here is my honey me bees will sting them until their mutated and turned into a sentient nest. Then ill send them out to get more honey until every resident of the station is a sentient be hive and i become the queen bee to rule over all." "Besides there is nothing you can do to stop me detective the ai is asleep and you have no access Muhahaha." I diplomatically quipped back seeing the full weight my previous mistakes and the effect of my no nonsense hard boiled actions. "Bee burglar, it does not have to bee like this. I am sorry about my aggression against your bees, there is still a chance for your after this redemption return my friend and the gun and ill burn your files and no one will find out and CC will never know of this, please bee burglar return to using your bees for good. Bee burglar responded " Its too late for me detective, i choose my path and your chose yours. Now prepare to bee unhalted." But before they finished their sentence i had already hacked the door. and i was forcing my way inside. " No, you can't just brake in BEES AFTER HIM" I promptly pulled out my revolver and started shooting bees left and right wile dogging hordes and trying to move closer revolver shooting and reloading at light speeds. " You FOOL you can't go through the horde no matter how many you kill there will be more." I kept fighting the onslaught of bees with every last breath i had getting stung left and right with all kinds of devilish re-agents slowly pushing my way closer to the bee burglar who would stand there still yet i was soo close almost a floor tile away. More and more bees kept piling on to me i felt exhausted moving felt really hard i just wanted to lay down. " See you were no match for me bees detective" I fell on my knees and started crawling yet i had to push on. "Just let it happen peacefully detective there is no more need for you" I fall down and the world fades black . . . . . My memories start to play back on my head, My recent dates, the Security Christmas party, the day i investigated botany. My birthday party. My birthday party, all my friends were there, a donut cake, a new revolver, booze, chief present that i always kept with me. chiefs present ah yeah the candy corn infused with meth, arsnep and ephinerphine. My sense return for a second i quickly reach for my bag and pull out my last piece of candy corn and eat it desperately fast, the bee nerd has not seen me yet and is standing right in front of me with his back turned to me and wearing the swarm of bees as a cape. The candy corn hits the spot, i feel my self re-gaining power i feel energy surging throughout all my body. The sensation of a million angels lifting me up and giving me their power. I get up and draw my retractable baton, and scream in the top of my lungs. "-SEPULCHRITUDE-" wait no it was not that i said something else that i can't recall. As i dryly smack the bee burglar in the face with my retractable baton throwing him down and then promptly cuffing him. i use all my power to drag him and my friend out into the hall where our whole department is starting to arrive quickly. My energy feels lost again, I fall down and the world fades to black once more. I wake up on a medical bed with my whole department looking at me. " I really need a fucking raise for this." i stutter. Then they all start speaking: "You bloody bastard you are ok." "Sleuth you saved the whole station." "You got our guy champ." "Sleuth you get the rest of the shift off" "After you get out of bed i am getting the whole department drinks". The chief stops all of them and says with a calm expression and smile on her face: "Sleuth for your brave act today and being an all around handsome bastard i have decided to grant you the security medal of honor, wear it with pride." I say: "Thanks cheif, but what about the pod pilot are they going to be all right? Chief:" Besides some major bruises and not looking blue for a month due to the sting discoloration they will recover fully according to dock". Me: "Oh thank god i thought they were a goner for sure." Chief: "I was not done talking about your prize sleuth, wile central command wouldn't allow me to give you a raise they told me you get on wish for this shift can be anything as long as it does not harm crew or cause problems." Me: "Chief, i am constantly overworked i really need some sle-" The chief interrupts: :"That's easily done sleuth you can stay in medical and rest as long as you need" Me: "Not in here chief but in my office, and you get to write the incident report." Chief: "That is a weird request sleuth but i can't say no to you today." The chief gently rolls my retractable bed all the way to my office and i get a much needed work time nap the thing i truly needed the most. I begin to relax to the sound of noir jazz. My eyes begin to close. The world fades to black.

Redacted

Sounds like a good idea, although i don't really see it coming handy too often but yeah sure.

I like the idea but i am not sure if it would be implemented well by the players. It would take a wile for this to be normalized and done commonly but does sound like an imporvement.

Yes.

Redacted

I feel like some of you are kind of looking it from a wrong perspective. Wile i see plenty of valid concerns there the central idea is not that everyone fucks off to get artifacts like an average mechanic does. its that they mostly do scavenger missions most of the time reclaiming resources and removing possibly dangerous space Debry. and do some space operations when asked. We don't want everyone to be like a civilian with a deathwish like gateway explorers, we more want it to be a dedicated team to handle things going on in space and gather resources much like the miners, also offering a safer alternative if every miner dies. I can see lots of potential from a lore and gameplay standpoint here. For some of the things you mentioned you make it sound kind of like a really overpowering force that would fuck up the balance. But its literally a bay starting with simple pod and pretty little equipment. If its efficient enough. I really can't see a team of 5 pods shooting lasers all together organised at the blob to take it down. Lets be honest there will always be a few weak links in the chain generally super team work projects rarely work in ss13. Its more like everyone will be their own brand of poorly equipped psychopathic spessman that attempts to do space objectives given to them by a slightly more experienced psychopathic spessman. And many of them will be pretty new players that just die in space most of the time. It will be more like a loose association of space pod nerds i really doubt they would be any more op collectively then any other department besides maybe service they will basically be mining but in space. Hiding shit in space still won't be that hard considering how much potential space you have. Even all of them won't really explore everything unless they are really trying. This a some good shit to consider but i don't think it would be to different then miners.

I am pretty bad at codding but i can sprite and i could also learn how to map and help.

Ive been playing mechanic recently and making a space podder club and that gave me a great idea. @Kyet Now in the start of every round i had to get materials tools and effort to build a hangar and expand mechanics office to the nearby maintenance empty room and to be able to hold and launch 5 pods with out anything getting in the way if parked correctly. by that time i probably hit 45 minute mark. and by the time i had all the resources and pods ready i had hit the 1,00 to 1,15 hour mark. I managed to gather members from the whole station and came up with paperwork for pod ownership, I distributed the pods for free for the member of our club. And they all went to have their space adventures, Wile it was a fun round it took really long for us to really get started and there were not many interesting things to do after all this time has passed. I feel like the regular mechanic play through right now is Build your very own pod, fuck off into space, collect goodies, come back to the ship. And at most you create one extra pod for some one who asks, its not like in the job description where you make pods for multiple crew. So i propose a New mini department, full overhaul on how mechanic works, a new layout for the part of the station and a new karma job Space Pod Driver. Layout changes: i have color coded what should be where in the map bellow Gray = Empty space (runway) Yellow = Pod Parking spot Green = Mechanics Office (Where all the paperwork is writen kept about who drives what and does what with what pod) Cyan = Podbay Workshop ( Does not include an deconstructive analyzer any more and instead boasts a Porto lathe and a smelter?) Red = EVA suit storage Department changes: There is a new department in town The Space Operations department. The space department is was put together to handle situations out in space, they work for literally every other department (Or fuck off irresponsibly collecting artifacts) From petty salvaging to Recovering bodies from space To providing fire support against the blob any space threats. Anything that needs to be done in space they do. New radio frequency [Space Operations] Mechanic Overhaul: Now the mechanics job is not literally fucking off to space with no responsibilities to inevitably die in a z level. The mechanics boss is literally any other head of personal. Now the mechanic is the head of the space department (Kinda like Quartermaster) And has to 1: Supervise their department and keep tabs on things . 2: Create Upgrade and Repair pods. 3: Command and supervise space operations (from their cozy office) 4: Take orders for space operations from literally any other department. In this addition mechanic now costs 45 karma and will be refundable for wile giving back 30 points for those who don't like the changes. New Karma Job Space Pod Driver: A space pod drivers job is exactly what it implies to drive a space pod. They are to follow orders from the Mechanic. They do the following. 1: Do specific space operations set out by the mechanic under the request of other departments. 2: Scavenge space for resources and treasure when you don't have a specific task. They have the same access as the mechanic but don't have access to the mechanics office and podbay workshop. Costs 5 karma (or asking the head of personal at every round start) . Maximum amount in a round are 5 members. Misc Changes: The mechanic now has the space pod multi key that unlocks any and all pods. 5 GPS devices At the start of the round the hangar starts out with one pre-made default pod with an empty locker a crowbar and keys nearby. Effects on Development: From my understand the changes are not too hard to commit mostly using things that are already there, i can't comment too much though because i don't have developer experience. Gameplay effects: A new pretty fun new and unique department, a great place for new players to learn in space where they can't really hurt anyone. More potential for future events in space. Z levels are more easy to reach by the common player are are seen by more players. Gives security pod pilot an actual reason to exist. Lots of potential for new gameplay experiences. Possibility to grow and become even better in the future. Please tell me your thoughts and if you would consider something like that. And if decided keep me posted on the progress please i would really love to see this being a thing, and i think its my best suggestion so far.

@BryanR Fine you talked me into why RNG is better you did make good points i had not considered.

I personally don't observe hoping for a good role or observe in general, but i do think there could be a good case to be made for people who do to get the midgame antag roles if and when those roles happen. Now that is not to say they should be entitled to those roles, but i get the feeling it would be better if they had a stronger claim on them and were more likely to get them. I don't think you can metagame more as an observer then a player at round start picking a role. Besides it allows the people who desperately want to play traitor a grater chance, and in all likelihood as midround antag spiders for example they will die at most in 15 minutes after they spawn in. I mean imagine how sore do you have to be to observe a whole round just in the hopes of getting an antag role. its still a bad deal for them any perspective even if mechanics were in place to favor them playing antag.

Sold each for 1000$ and crated the pod drivers club.

@Kyet In all seriousness. i was not being too serious with this post i just expressed that i personally dislike random selection. Now my reasoning for supporting fastest click is that the person clicking has been intently watching the round and is more likely to know what is going on, and also random selection feels unfair for people who pick observer in the start of the round in the hopes of playing some sort of special tittle. That said reading the response it seems most people including people who are more dedicated to the server then i am prefer the new mechanic so fair enough. Now the ideal system for me would be a system that has factors and qualifiers, as how many times you died this round. (less times the better placing observers at the top of the line for the first pick) Have you been an antag this round? (if yes its a lot less likely you get picked) and probably more things to come up with to make it fairer and more likely for everyone to get their fair share of roles.

oki thx.

Slime lungs now give you a new ability "beatbox" which will appear in the top of your hud with your other inherent abilities, when clicked it will be like clicking on an instrument. Beat box will be a new instrument that will resemble beatboxing. Being a slime person allows you get the beatbox ability. Getting slime lungs gives you the beatbox ability. You can use Slime people lungs as an instrument. Will be thematically suitable and give slime people yet an other gimmick to feel superior to any other races, because as we know slime people don't have enough gimmicks, jokes aside it does sound like a thematically appropriate idea considering the lore on their language and the sounds they make.

The new random candidate mechanic is bad. The old click the fastest mechanic was better. plz fix.

I was a mime in a wizard round, i found shelter in the ai satelite, i re-configured the doors and tidied up untill i heard a sound in my kitchen. I went to investigate and i was meet with a rod that killed me in a pretty poetic position. The mime lived here, now the mime lives only in the hearts of those who saw and read this.

So i randomly found this guy in maints wile building an autolathe there. We talk for a bit and we agree that we want to make the maints a better place as maints dwellers. I make my autolathe and a hydroponics tray he makes a chemistry both and sells his universal medkits to medbay. We fix up the room to look legit as all hell, it was a secret room in the beginning but we did everything to upgrade. Good times.

This is simply a request to implement something similar to what i found in goon and citidel station VR stations where you get to play mini games through the round. With arena, Carts, And other activitys.

Nice ill get on vandalizing the posters later today or tomorrow and send you the DMI over discord sounds good?