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@BonkaiTheRoris streamed Slime rancher for me... and I couldn't get it out of my head that Jasmine was the one ranging these dastardly squishes. So I drew it! I cheated a bit with the background, I'm sorry. Jasmine is a good squish.

This was a commission done for @Esenno who's a wonderful trial of a nerd. It's law. MARSHAL law. Here they are doing some reading on a particularly difficult case. Probably the murder of 4 grey-shirts who broke into the kitchen via the chef who made them into delicious burgers. Trespassing in the kitchen will do that. or maybe not. He's probably looking at something a lot more serious. At least he's got some company to keep him motivated. *chirp

It's a shame to see such a good officer get written up for that. But what sec officer worth their harm baton doesn't have a few bad arrests?

Officer Tea is being written up for harmbatoning on green. Smh

Tl;dr version: Currently, Seccies have to juggle low-speed stuff like "teach a baldie how to not hit himself" and "toss the Clown out of Medbay again" alongside high-speed stuff like "harmbaton a vampire" and "cremate changelings." These two roles don't gel very well, so let's split them into two complementary positions. Introduction: As a job, the Security Officer is easily one of the most thankless ones. There is no learner position, no easy way to get into the job, and lethal consequences when you make a mistake. You're thrown into the deep end right from roundstart and expected to swim, and it's no surprise that few people do. Even for those who figure out how2redshirt, the role remains an extremely demanding one at all times; "quiet Sec round" is a contradiction in terms. This also makes the game much more stressful than it needs to be for everyone involved. For Seccies, it means calls of "FUCKIN SHITSEC GO HOME" at the same time they're getting calls of "HALP VAMP SCI MAINT," which tends to leave the redshirt in question burned out and uncaring. I've heard this phenomenon discussed in real-life law enforcement, where it's referred to as "paradoxical policing:" law enforcement is derided for their misbehavior over minor crimes like noise complaints at the very same time they're being called out for not doing enough to stop major crimes. For the crew, it makes calling Security a dubious proposition, as you aren't liable to get a rapid response and might well get complete shitcurity if you do. Another major issue is of gaining experience and learning the role: as there isn't any new place to learn how2redshirt, new Sec Officers are left trying to figure things out on the go. This is a problem with other roles as well, but a lesser one since other jobs are ultimately trying to help. A Medical Doctor or Roboticist might get some LOOC salt if they're taking a while in fixing someone, but that's a much more rare thing since they're ultimately still trying to assist the person. A Sec Officer is virtually guaranteed to get insulted, especially if they appear new, because much of their role is messing with other players' fun. Even taking too long to strip someone in Processing will get people complaining on comms, let alone if the other player manages to unbuckle themselves. Given that sort of problematic learning environment, some sort of intervention to help newbies would be very useful. One of the solutions used IRL is something I think we could adopt here, which is splitting the people handling major crimes apart from the people handling minor ones. As of now, Sec Officers are a single murderblob tasked with handling both "halp baldie beating me" and "HALP LING ABSORBING ME MAINT," which tends to leave them responding with either too much force to the first incident or too little for the other. It also leaves a more "low-speed" Security role for both baldies trying to learn the game and more experienced players looking for an easier round, and provides a much more tangible sense of little-s security to the crew (since a Constable will likely respond when you call, as opposed to the Sec Officer busy battling antags in Sci Maint). New position: Constable Scope: Limited. New code needed: Minimal. The key requirements are adding the new job with its starting text, equipment, and access. Starting text: "You are the Constable. Your job is to assist other crew and safeguard the station." Access: Brig, Holding Cells, Maintenance (similar to the Detective, does not have 'Security' access at roundstart). Starting location: Sec Briefing Room. Starting numbers: 4 (can be changed by HoP). No whitelist, fewer hours requirements than the Sec Officer (meant to serve as the intro to the Sec Officer role). Equipment: Security jacket, handcuffs, flash, pepperspray, energy bola, standard SecHUD, belt with seclite, non-bowman Security headset. Starts with a grey Sec uniform and a black Corporate ballcap (all Sec headgear has the same stats as the Helmet). Has mindshield. The uniform, esp. the jacket, ballcap and SecHUD, would provide Constables with a clearly different 'look' than regular Sec Officers while still providing protection. The regular SecHUD and non-bowman headset would provide a meaningful in-game difference between Constables and Sec Officers (in that Constables can still be taken down by flashes and flashbangs), while allowing for easy correction by more experienced players (modding their SecHUDs with regular sunglasses to get flash protection, and wheedling a bowman headset out of the many spares in the Sec Gear Room). Lacking a taser and stunbaton would force Constables to both play more conservatively and leave very dangerous antags to the Sec Officers, and also make them use the other bits of the Security repertoire. Flashes, pepperspray, recruiting bystanders, and the old expedient of "just set them to arrest and let Beepsky handle it" are all viable options when you aren't expected to take down a fully-powered vampire. FAQs: 1. The Constable has less gear and access than the Sec Officer. Why do you think anyone would play the role? I'm suggesting the role because I would like to play it: more specifically, I would like a Security job that actually lets me be Officer Friendly instead of 24/7 ASS TO THE GRASS BALLS TO THE WALL HARMBATON IN FREEFALL YEEHAW. I'd like a job where I get to laugh when the Clown slips me, instead of going "Damnit, that vamp's gonna get away!" when I fall over. Some rounds I want to pound face into plating with a cut-off riot shotgun, and some rounds I'd like to gently shoo the Clown out of Cargo without having to murder anyone in the process. 2. The Constable lacks a ranged stun, and can't easily catch someone if they decide to run. How do you expect them to stop anyone? I'm planning on them being able to stop a baldie on the run with an energy bola; if in-game practice shows that Constables truly do need some form of ranged stun, I'd suggest a disabler (harder for newbies to screw up with disabler shots than a taser, still plenty effective, already in code, differentiates them from Sec Officers, etc). However, I'd like to keep the role based around the non-combat portions of the Security role, and "set the baldie to arrest and have him picked up by other redshirts" seems very appropriate for the position. 3. The Constable is a role meant for newbies, but still has useful gear. What's stopping people from just murdering Constables for their stuff? Circumstances, co-workers, and conscience. Constables aren't meant to be running deep into Maintenance areas, and should be leaving the high-level threats for other Seccies. While I'm sure some baldies will merely take the role as a stepping-stone to being a bonafide redshirt and will go haring down into Med-Sci Maint, they're knowingly putting themselves at risk in the first place. The ones who stick to public areas will be kept much more safe by their circumstances. Secondly, the Constable role is meant to be much more community-oriented than the Sec Officer one. While Sec Officers are meant to carry out a high-level conflict with antags, Constables are supposed to be Officer Friendly, who gets close and familiar with the rest of the crew. This should provide them with some protection in practice, as the crew they've befriended will doubtlessly help them much more than an unfamiliar face in a Sec uniform. Thirdly, Constables are meant to be a beginner's role. While murdering a Constable will certainly be doable, their gear is differentiated from standard Sec Officer kit, and should mark you out as someone who killed an 'Officer Friendly' on the station. Lacking flash/hearing protection, flashbangs and Armory weapons, and a taser/stunbaton, Constables are also a much less appealing target than an actual Sec Officer. None of this is ironclad protection, but then again, it really shouldn't be. Taking on any Sec role is accepting your position in the round as valid-salad, and you might just get axed anyway - them's the digs. However, if you play the role as intended as a Nice Guy(tm) who sticks to public areas and makes an effort to actually help out crewmates, you'll be fairly well-protected from the inevitable game of murderbone throughout the round. 4. What else can the Constable do aside from 'Being Officer Friendly?' A) Dispatching: Watch comms and cams, keep a handheld crew monitor with you, and monitor other Seccies for their own safety. Call out when someone's in trouble, pinpoint a hostile's location, and ensure that calls for help are being properly responded to. B) Desk-jockeying: Man the Brig front desk, staff Processing, and watch over the holding cells. Assist the Warden with moving prisoners, question 'tiders and antags, and help keep Sec records updated. Work as a bailiff in the event a court case is called. C) Training: Work with other Constables - or baldie Sec Officers - to get them oriented in how to safely handle a cuffed person, dangerous gear to confiscate, the ins and outs of Space Law, and so on. Other roles such as the Warden, IAA, or regular Sec Officers can do these jobs, but they all suffer from either overwork (Warden, Sec Officer) or severe understaffing (IAA). A Constable looking for something to do should be able to slot in to camera duty or training fellow Constables with minimal difficulty, and with a positive benefit to the round as a whole. 5. What else would you like to see implemented with the Constable role? Departmental checkpoints. While it's not required for the role to function, I would definitely like to see Constables having basic 3x3 places to work across the station. I know that this question has been hotly debated before, so I'm not going to try and scratch off everything on my redshirt wishlist, but if possible I'd definitely like to see Constables having places to update records, get replacement gear (flashes, cuffs, etc.), and watch cameras. Thanks for taking the time to read this suggestion. If you've comments, ideas, or thoughts on how to improve it, I'm all ears.

"No, I must ranch the squishes!" they shouted. The radio said, "No, rancher, you are the squishes" And then the rancher was a squish. Good art, as always!

Did the rancher become the squish, or did the squish become the rancher? Or is that just a collection of rock-cat largos squished into a people shape?

People wanting berets for everything

Who is this?

time to kill a brother and his army

D4N-6 Botanist, Chef, Shitposter, Parka Club member